Typically when people “one-up” their friends, it’s to gloat. But when you’re a mommyjacker, one-upping is pretty evenly split between bragging and whining.No one has it harder than moms, as we already know, and that attitude gets expressed on Facebook in a multitude of ways.

A couple of months ago we learned about things that people can look forward to NOT doing anymore once they become parents — but what about the things non-parents do that are just made that much more difficult when they become parents? It’s like all the non-parents out there have no idea about this stuff! For instance, did you know that after you have a baby, you have to take it places, watch it closely, and feed it? Or, for all the ladies out there, did you know that after you give your birth, your body changes and it kind of sucks? I know they don’t teach these things in baby books or tell you about them in childbirth classes, but it’s true. Having a kid actually does make life harder. Who knew?!

Thankfully, there are dozens of mommyjackers out there to remind their non-kid-having friends that their lives could be soo much worse. (Just before telling their friends that their lives are completely hollow because they don’t know what real love is.) Whether you’ve had a bad day at the office, an annoying travel experience, or are simply exhausted, some mom out there has got you beat. And she’s more than happy to tell you so.

I think most people would agree that being a parent is hard, because when you’re responsible for another human being it takes effort and time management and money. But that doesn’t mean non-parents need to be reminded that their hardships are “easily trumped” by those of their baby-having friends. Sure, there might be some truth to those one-upping mommyjackers’ statements, but is making those statements necessary or productive? Let’s take a look at some examples to decide.

1. Gentle Reminders

STFU Parents

Hey Sarah, being at the airport is lame, but look at the bright side! You aren’t chasing an insanely wild — and did I mention insanely adorable — child while you wait. Now do you feel better? As a single person in transit, the world is your oyster! You can tap dance down the terminal after having several beers at the Chili’s Express. You can type on your cell phone as you’re boarding the plane because you have a free hand. You can even join the Mile High Club without asking the person next to you to hold a drooling child first. How awesome are YOU?

2. It Could Be Worse

STFU Parents

Toughen up, Brittany, ’cause no matter what you write, Sarah can top it. She had 105 fevers the entire week after she gave birth, with a kidney infection AND a bladder infection. AND she walked three miles to the hospital in the snow. AND she was voted Most Resilient by the nurses in Labor and Delivery. Achey body with a 101.5 fever? That’s nothing. Feel better tho, Brittany! 🙂

3. Waiting Room Comparisons

STFU Parents

If you’re in my line of work, you see a lot of waiting room comparisons, and the consensus is this: All waiting room experiences are irritating, but pregnant women have it the worst. Upon discovering this fact, pregnant women and mothers will immediately feel a strong sense of duty to tell everyone they know this key piece of information. In the great waiting room battle of “Who Has It Worse,” these ladies WILL be victorious.

4. Exhaustion Comparisons

STFU Parents

Exhaustion comparisons are THE comparison du jour, and everyone knows that parents win out on this one, too, because DUH, they don’t get to determine when they sleep; their kids do! Amanda may have worked a long, hard day, and she may be tired from a restless night or perhaps of a string of restless nights due to insomnia, but she can’t understand what it’s like to be that tired AND do three more loads of laundry. I bet she can hardly imagine it.

5. Lucky You

STFU Parents

Anna is going on a much-needed tropical vacation in just two days, and she’s never been more ready. Good thing she doesn’t have a stress-inducing husband or liquid-shooting-from-every-outlet child to take care of, amirite? That sure would change things! I hope Anna knows how lucky she is, but just in case she doesn’t, Peggy will be right there to remind her every step of the way on her vacation. After all, that’s what friends are for!