STFU Parents: Parents Go For The Gold With Obnoxious Olympics Status Updates

Olympics excitement has been at a fever pitch among viewers for nearly two weeks, and parents are no exception. All you have to do is take a look at Aly Raisman‘s parents to know that much. And in typical fashion, many parents (along with millions of people in general) have taken to social media to post status updates about the Games. Most of them are harmless (I’m thankful that no one has sent me any “Olympic-sized poop” pictures), but if my STFU, Parents email inbox is any indication, it’s safe to say there’s an oversaturation of Olympics “coverage” being posted by parents. Of course, the same could be said for any person who can’t stop talking about the Olympics these days, but for the purposes of this column, I’ve put together a collection of examples that showcase the variety of updates being posted by parents. Oh, and did I mention that one of them was posted by an Olympian? As it turns out, even the best athletes in the world dabble in social media TMI. So get out your score cards, and tell me in the comments how you think these Olympics-inspired updates rank.

1. Mom Olympics

 

According to a lot of moms, parenting should be an Olympic event. I’ve heard this before in the form of other suggestions: reality show, game show, etc., so it comes as no surprise that some parents think it’s a clever joke. I can also understand the feeling of having “earned a medal” after a long day, but let’s face it, being an Olympic competitor and being a mom are two totally different things.

I don’t know, Alicia. When’s the last time you got millions of dollars in sponsorship contracts and appeared on a cereal box? (Cue Alicia Photoshopping a picture of herself holding a tower of laundry on the front of a Wheaties box in 3…2…1…)

2. Olympic “Sports”

If there’s one thing parents love to do, it’s turn everything into an Olympic event. “Baby Olympics” have emerged as a “thing” on social media this year, and pretty much any activity qualifies, both on the kids’ part and the parents’ part.

 

Normally I’m a huge fan of puns, but sometimes they can get to be too much. Especially when they’re about poop. One minute you’re taking the gold for changing a sleeping baby without waking him up, and the next, you’re doing this:

 

Um, good one? Way to make a joke about your kid pooping in the tub while simultaneously snarking on the trauma of being a child athlete in China. Blue jerk for the win!

3. Even Olympians Overshare

Technically Kerri Walsh is only showing one tush in this example (her own!), but I have to wonder what compelled her to post this picture of her son for all 97,000 of her Twitter followers to see. Talk about pride! She may as well have taken out a billboard in Trafalgar Square. I’ve always thought Olympic gold medalists have a right to gloat; I just didn’t think it would come in the form of a potty pic.

4. Parents Vs. NBC

Lastly, some parents aren’t out to annoy their friends with cliched wisecracks or references to poop. They – along with the rest of the country – just want to understand one thing: Why didn’t NBC air the Olympics live?! Doesn’t anyone think of the children? They are, after all, our future Olympians.

 

Preach it, Kristen! Except… that’s just how the Olympics are being aired, so perhaps you’d fare better DVRing them?

Little girls with big dreams are having their dreams utterly DESTROYED by NBC, and Marty’s not going to let the network forget it. Remember, everyone: The Olympics are important to us all, but when NBC screws viewers over with weird scheduling and accidental spoilers, it’s hurting our nation’s children the most.

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