Forget about the potty pictures, placentas, and crazy baby names. One type of person that irks me and every other person on Facebook is the know-it-all parent. There are certain people who use social media as an opportunity to police their friends about everything related to childrearing, and they get on my very last nerve. While it might seem like I relish in the chance to invade people’s lives based on posting their content on my blog, I really prefer to remain a bystander in life. I don’t actually like telling people what to do, particularly if I’m telling them what they’re doing is wrong as a parent. I like to think I’m offering up suggestions to oversharing parents about what not to share for the betterment of the world, not so much to find something to be nitpicky about. And yet so many people do just that. They seemingly seek out pictures or status updates that imply something is “unsafe” or “inappropriate” and then chide their friends and relatives for being bad parents.

Of course, some people don’t want to be viewed as a Parenting Hall Monitor, so they try to soften their “helpful” advice with a quick compliment about how “cute” the child is in-between brief lectures about what their friend is doing wrong. That little trick is transparent and doesn’t work. What would be really helpful is if people minded their own business, or, if a child’s welfare is truly at risk, message the person privately to show sincere concern as well as explain that they’re not trying to step on any toes. Instead, these hall monitors act with righteous indignance and feel triumphant for, oh, I don’t know, being superior. It’s a truly loathsome by-product of Facebook, and today I’m showcasing some examples as a plea to these parents to consider what they’re saying before they mommyjack their friends with their holier than thou comments. Seriously, no one wants to be told what to do or how to be a good parent. Especially on Facebook.

1. Car Seat Provisions

The submitter wrote, “As a mom, I do agree with what Jacklen (??) is saying, but as a normal, non-fun-killing human being, I wouldn’t voice it on Facebook! And I like how she added “C” in there to try and save herself from being a total downer.”

I must agree. “C” is such an afterthought after writing both “A” and “B,” it’s hard for me to understand why she included it at all except to save face. Or rather, unsuccessfully attempt to save face. In fact, presenting her thoughts as “points” is obnoxious in and of itself. It’s almost like she’s presenting an outline of her thoughts, two of which are rude and condescending. Why not just make a whole PowerPoint presentation?!