Because Drinking Coffee Isn’t Enough, Now You Can Spread It On Your Toast

Have you ever thought to yourself, man I wish I could just eat my coffee? And no, I don’t mean the cold congealed mess left in the cup that you’ve reheated eleventy times. Like actually eat it. Think of all the time you’d save! Better yet, eat it and wash it down with more coffee! Two very jittery birds, one stone. Well, now you can do just that. Spreadable Coffee is a thing, and it sounds delightful. The espresso marmalade is sold by Firebox, the same retailer that brought us that stupidly adorable unicorn humidifier that I may or may not be on a waiting list for. Maybe this website bought all my personal information from the Russians because they sure do have my goddamn number.

The description for Spreadable Coffee reads, “This espresso marmalade won’t give you the jitters but its spreadable energy will leave you full of beans.” SOLD!

The website says the marmalade contains sugar, oranges, espresso coffee, and citric acid. I’m not sure about the orange and coffee combo. Oddly enough, it also says the product is not caffeinated. But, it has 6g of espresso per 100g jar. So definitely not the jolt we’re all probably hoping for, but enough to add a nice side buzz to your morning cup of joe, I imagine.

If you’re looking for more spreadable concoctions, Firebox has you covered with Spreadable Gin. Now that is a product I would buy by the case.

“No longer confined to a cut glass tumbler mixed up with tonic water; our booze-infused preserve is one seriously versatile gourmet ingredient spread it, drink it, bake with it, or gobble it straight out of the jar.” Yes to all of those things, Firebox.

I do have some bad news, though. Spreadable Coffee can’t be shipped to the States. Which is so beyond rude! I guess we’ll have to just keep drinking our coffee like neanderthals.

(Image: Firebox)