Self-Proclaimed ‘Sperm Whisperer’ Helps Men Take Fertility Matters ‘Into Their Own Hands’ (Pun Intended)

While I would never make light of the very real and serious issues some men face when it comes to fertility, some things are just impossible not to laugh at. And a urologist that calls himself the “Sperm Whisperer” is absolutely one of those things.

Dr. Joseph Aukal, a New York City-based urologist, is the go-to doc for guys looking to freeze their sperm for later use. Why would this be necessary, you ask? Don’t men have a fountain of everlasting baby making juice in their trousers, you ponder? That was the generally consensus until a few years ago when researched discovered that having an expiration date isn’t just for the ladies anymore. While a dude’s “baby batter” might spring eternal, the equipment that makes it can start acting up, which sharply effects male fertility after the age of 41.

This has some men worried, and they’ve decided take the…er…bull by the horns and get prudent in the race against their biological clocks. They truly are “taking matters into their own hands,” by visiting Alukal, who is a director of male reproductive health at NYU Langone Medical Center.

According to Dr. Alukal, the number of men coming in to undergo the process known as “cryobanking” (which totally rhymes with “monkey spanking”) has gone up exponentially.

This is certainly not a new concept, though you are more likely to hear about women freezing their eggs for future pregnancy. According to Dr. Harry Fisch, from Columbia University, middle-aged man glue is six times more likely to produce a child on the autism spectrum when you compare them with males under the age of 25. Chances of schizophrenia are three times more likely and that number goes up with age.

Brings new meaning to the term “spank bank,” now doesn’t it? In all seriousness, as fun as it is to come up with humorous euphemisms for sperm (Spooge! Spunk! Man milk!), I think this is a great idea. The costs are repetitively low, at around $500 initially and then a couple hundred more a year. It’s not exactly labor intensive (how long does it really take to bop the bologna?).

(Photo: Joshua Resnick / Shutterstock)