Blow Jobs For Chores: The Mommyish Method To Marital Bliss

We have discussed in great detail here in the Mommyish virtual office how hard it is to keep up the sexy sex after having kids. That definitely doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but when you’ve been cleaning up baby vomit and chasing after a toddler smearing poop on the walls all day long, your libido is likely to take a hit.

I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution. It’s been said on many an e-card passed around Facebook that the best way for a husband to get laid is by doing chores. I couldn’t agree more. To his credit, my husband is really great and chips in all the time around the house. We even have a Google chore chart that we use to split up household tasks.

But after a busy day, mundane household chores often fall by the wayside and start to pile up. In order to get the vacuuming done so I can relax and feel a little more desirable, I’m not above trading sexual favors for household chores. Or maybe a better way to put it is, “What would you do for a Klondike bar?”

*Klondike Bar = Blow Job

My husband and I have great chemistry, but one of the best ways to get me in the mood is to show me an empty sink without any dirty dishes in it. If you do that, I’ll be your sex slave for life. I propose that the best way to merge marital bliss with household cleanliness is with some kind of Klondike bar reward system.

Every household is unique, so the amount of chores that lead up to one Klondike bar will vary. Or maybe you have some Klondike bar tricks when it comes to timeframe, location, and props. You can add these special Klondike bar extras into your own chore chart “menu,” if you will. Kind of like adding grilled onions onto a steak at the Sizzler for $2.99.

Clearly, I have found the answer for world peace. You get a full dishwasher, a vacuumed floor, and even a freshly washed car, and your husband gets as many Klondike bars as his heart desires. Feel free to print out this sample chore chart below and guarantee your marital happiness.

(photo: Getty Images)