Science Mom: Genetically Modified Food Is Still Just Food

science mom sharp

Genetically modified organisms, or GMOs, make up a fairly small percentage of our food, but a huge majority of the concern-trolling and hand-wringing we do about our food. The main places you’ll find genetic modification at play is in sugar, soybeans, cotton, and corn (so vegetarians with a sweet tooth, look out). If you’re not sure what to think about GMOs being in your food supply, don’t worry: Science Mom is here with a Choose-Your-Own Adventure to let you explore the science of genetically modified foods. Start with question #1 below and jump to the page number you’re directed; all endings are located on the very last page. ABSOLUTELY NO PEEKING AHEAD!

1. To start off with, how do you feel about GMOs?

  • They’re delicious and I adore them unequivocally. You probably don’t need to read this article. Have a nice day, and enjoy your Chipotle and Cheerios!
  • I’m a little concerned/I’m unsure. You’re in the right place! Please continue to question 2.
  • GMOs are part of the CIA’s plan for setting up mind control on the American population. You also can skip this article–not because you’re right, but because I don’t want to argue with anyone who endorses this line of thinking.

2. What’s your concern with GMOs?

  • These Frankenfoods are unnatural. They’re not something our bodies are equipped to deal with. Hmm–let’s continue on to #3, or else agree to disagree.
  • Who knows what could happen when you’re mixing and matching DNA from different organisms? What if I have an allergic reaction because of a gene transplanted into a new organism, or what if the genetically modified DNA gets mixed up with my own DNA? Bro, let’s talk science, bro. That’s why we’re here, right? See me after class in #4.
  • I’m afraid of the potential for ecological damage. I getcha, friend. Meet up with me in #5 for some serious talk.

3. Dude. Is your argument really that we should avoid anything that isn’t ‘natural’?

  • Man, I don’t know. Where do we draw the line? Well, humankind hasn’t seen fit to draw a line at genetically altering our food for 10,000 years–it’s just the way we do it that’s a little different now. But the end result is the same: a food item that is a little easier to grow, a little easier to store, a little easier to choke down without a thick coat of ketchup. If you’re still unsure on the science, jump to #4. If you’re willing to trust the experts but aren’t too sure about the social implications, go to #5. If I’ve sold you on the solid science of GMOs (in which case, wow, that was easy, go to Ending B. Otherwise, if you still think …
  • Yes. I will live my life free of the machinations of scientists who are trying to play God. I would say that scientists are less trying to play ‘God’ and more trying to play ‘someone who is trying to keep children in developing countries from going blind thanks to pervasive Vitamin A deficiencies’. In any case, Ending A is for you.

4. Where’s your evidence for the health dangers posed by GMOs?

  • Moving genes across organisms could cause someone to have an allergic reaction to something they’re not supposed to be allergic to. I just read about the first case of someone dying of anaphylactic shock after eating a GMO! No, you didn’t. First of all, grabbing any old gene out of a peanut and shoving it into a tomato isn’t going to make someone have an allergic reaction–allergies are responses to specific proteins, not just a general aura of peanut-ness. So biotechnologists are pretty keen to not grab the allergy-protein DNA and shuffle it someplace new and dangerous, because it turns out no one wants to buy your product after your product kills someone. Plus, it takes a decade of testing and evidence-collecting before a newly-developed GMO can hit the market, and then it has to get approval from the alphabet soup comprised of the FDA, the EPA, and the USDA. Conventionally-altered crops certainly don’t get that kind of background-checking. If you’re convinced the science is okay and you’re on board with GMOs now, go to Ending B. If you’re still kind of worried that there’s something I’m not telling you, go to #5. Or, if you have more evidence …
  • Scientists could move genes that make plants more toxic, or that make them have less nutritional value. Okay, but listen to this: why would they do that?! Gene transfer revolves around moving a very specific sequence of DNA–there aren’t any hitchhikers coming along. And it doesn’t seem like a good business plan to move toxin genes instead of, say, cold tolerance genes, unless your biotechnology business is staffed entirely by cartoon mad scientists. Plus, again, GMO crops are tested for a decade before they’re being fed to the public. If you’ve been jonesing for Chipotle ever since I reference it above and you’re ready to buy into the GMO hype, go to Ending B. If you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, go to #5. And if you still have more evidence …
  • I watched Jurassic Park as a child and NATURE FINDS A WAY. May the ghost of Carl Sagan haunt you forever in Ending A.

5. Have you been waiting this whole post for someone to say the M-word?

  • Monsanto, Monsanto, Mons–oops. I heard if you say their name three times in a row, they appear, like Beetlejuice. I don’t carry water for Monsanto, and I’d much rather support my local farmers’ market than buy a can of corn or jug of canola oil at the grocery store that was grown from the company’s seed stock. The company’s been on the hook for fraud in its testing process in the (fairly distant) past, and more recently for false advertising; and the issue of weeds becoming resistant to its trademark herbicide, Roundup, is a serious one. While we haven’t seen the ecological havoc that early naysayers swore would happen with GMO crops in play, we can’t discount that a diverse toolbox of weed-killing options for farmers is best; using only one tool at a time (like Roundup) leads to it gets blunted and bent out of shape until it’s totally useless. GMOs aren’t going to sneak into your bedroom and murder you while you sleep, but that doesn’t mean we should act like they’re the solution to all our agricultural problems, either. You dig? If so, see me in Ending C. Otherwise …
  • No. Monsanto or no, I still don’t believe that faceless corporations can be trusted with this kind of technology. Okay. Sorry these thousand words failed to sway you, but I understand. Write me a postcard from Ending A.

Ending A: Congratulations! You are now Mega-Amish. Your rejection of all things not ‘natural’ must by logic include electricity, flush toilets, and waffle machines … you poor bastard. As vaccines are not only ‘unnatural’ but are also often produced using genetically modified bacteria, you and the rest of your commune are wiped out by a flu pandemic in 2023. Sad trombone!

Ending B: That Chipotle burrito tastes good, doesn’t it? Sink your teeth in and enjoy the flavors of science. Is your conscience tingling, just a little? Nah … that must just be a touch of indigestion. Right?

Ending C: Lettuce from a passing sheeple’s Chipotle lunch falls onto your Birkenstocks as you stroll up and down the aisles of the farmers’ market with your woven hemp basket on one arm. The odor of smugness (it smells like patchouli) radiates off you as you peruse heirloom tomatoes. You are clearly Winning At Life … but man, that burrito smells good as it wafts by. It wouldn’t be weird to sit down next to the zucchini stand and lick your toes, would it? Yeah … yeah, I guess it would.

(Image: itVega / Shutterstock)

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