As an introvert with a small child, I spend a lot of time thinking, “Why don’t I have any friends? How do I make ‘mom friends’?” Well one mother actually went out and tried to make mom friends, and it all went batshit crazy when the “mom group” turned out to be a grown-up version of Mean Girls.
It all started innocently enough. A Reddit user going by Carlinha1289 told Reddit’s parenting forum that she hit it off with another cool mom at the park a few weeks earlier. They got along awesomely, and after a few play dates, the other mom asked if Carlinha1289 wanted to meet her other mom friends.
“I mean sure! Why not! So I did,” Carlinha1289 writes.
That seems like a pretty reasonable thing to do. The other mom was awesome, so her friends would probably be cool too, right? Carlinha1289 thought she’d finally found the mythical “mom friends” group so many of us are looking for.
The first time they all hung out, they met at a lovely park. There were four mothers including Carlina1289, and eight kids. The other moms brought a picnic. They all had a fantastic time, so they met again a couple days later at one of the other moms’ houses. That was also great. Then the other moms started making arrangements for another meeting, and this time Carlinha1289 said she couldn’t go. The next location was pretty far away from her, and she and the mom group had already met two times in four days.
Mom group or women’s cult? Tomato or tomahto?
When she turned down that invitation, everything suddenly got really weird. One mom actually contacted her to ask what her “mom friends goal” was and how she planned to achieve it.
That’s such a weird thing to say! She’s asking for a personal statement as though this mom group were a graduate school application. And what is a “mom friends goal” anyway? Carlinha1289 didn’t know either, so she asked what the woman meant.
The woman icily responded that the mom group had “criteria for their mom friends,” and they wanted to make sure she was on the same page.
The mom group’s rules were pretty stringent, too. One of their criteria for being friends is that they have to meet a minimum of three times a week for play dates “and chit-chats.”
Three times a week at the minimum? One can only assume their criteria include not having jobs or interests outside the mom group. Carlinha1289 says the moms told her that meeting at least three times a week “makes their friendship strong and makes the kids bond more.”
They also said the frequent meetings are “what separates us from just being playground moms.”
Being “just a playground mom” isn’t sounding so bad right now. I’m legitimately concerned that they’re going to have to start a mom fight club once their kids are school age.
Carlinha1289 told the other mom that it was going to be impossible for her to commit to meeting them three times a week for the rest of her life, and the woman got really mad.
She demanded to know why Carlinha1289 had joined their group if she wasn’t “willing to commit.”
My dude, you asked her to join.
Carlinha1289 explained that she wanted mom friends and play dates, but was not looking to enroll in a full-time serious commitment. That’s when they ghosted her.
This is just the weirdest deal ever. The Mean Moms club may have told Carlinha1289 she couldn’t sit with them, but I think she dodged a bullet.