Recipe For Disaster: How I Accidentally Made Boob Cookies For Christmas
This is a cautionary tale about Christmas baking gone tragically awry. Do you think you know better than Betty Crocker? I thought I did. I thought that a classic Christmas cookie recipe deserved to be tinkered with. I flew too close to the sun, my friends, and like Icarus, I couldn’t take the heat. And neither could the peanut blossom cookies I tried to make – or should I say, the peanut bosom cookies.
Peanut butter blossoms are a family Christmas tradition. I remember eating them every year when my mom and grandma made them – slightly chewier from my mom’s kitchen, a bit crunchier from my grandma’s – but always a special treat! And while my kids aren’t big enough yet to help me bake, or really do much but try to climb in the open oven or dishwasher, they are old enough this year to partake in this delicious holiday tradition. This wonderful, special holiday treat that should never be inadvertently tainted by wanton experimentation.
What can I say? It’s the grocery store’s fault, really. They had shelves and shelves festive Christmas Reese’s peanut butter bells next to the bags of the standard Hershey kisses. You know, Hershey kisses? The things that you’re supposed to use in peanut butter blossoms? But the idea of putting peanut butter bells in peanut butter cookies was a siren call I could not resist. I should have listened to the better angels of my nature, or at least the actual cookie recipe in Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, but it sure seemed like a match made in heaven. Or, as it turned out, possibly a place slightly more earthly. Like a strip club. Or a mammography clinic.
What I ended up baking isn’t as quite suggestive as the infamous vagina cookies. But as it turns out, when you drop a Reese’s bell onto a warm, fresh out of the oven cookie … they melt. And when they melt, um, well. See for yourself.
Oops. The star pattern on the top of the bell really makes it, I think – truly the icing on the cake. Or on the areola, as the case may be. Merry Christmas, everyone! Enjoy your festive holiday boob.
The good news is, being too young to be able to help with baking also means my kids are too young to know they’re being handed a cookie that really looks like it should go along with a glass of milk. And they’re pretty tasty, as it turns out. A batch of peanut butter bosoms is, I think, not destined to become a yearly Ogden family tradition – but it’d be a shame to let them go to waste.
(Feature image: Ollyy/Shutterstock)
