7 More Reasons Hobby Lobby Sucks

For the last two days, I have been stewing a lot over the Hobby Lobby decision and like many of you, I am incredibly upset and afraid for what kind of future this could portend for ourselves and our daughters. I work a full-time job and don’t even typically write on weekdays but this got me boiled up enough to spend my Tuesday night accompanied only by my murderous rage and half a bottle of chardonnay while my husband did all kiddie tasks so I could lay out for all of you another seven reasons Hobby Lobby sucks. You know, in addition to the fact that their leadership are obviously charter members of the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club.

The fact that this decision by SCOTUS is monumentally unfair to their female employees is only the icing on a very shitty, shitty cake made of gloppy piles of shit. A cake baked for all of us womynz to let us know exactly where we stand in the eyes of the leadership of this disgusting and hypocritical corporation. Please feast your eyes on the below to learn why Hobby Lobby not only sucks, but why they might be the biggest hypocrites in all of corporate America:

1. They still cover vasectomies.

I guess it’s acceptable to the 8lb. 9oz. Baby Jesus if a MAN prevents an unwanted pregnancy but not those slutty slutty sex-having women! Take your IUD and shove it (but not up your vag, please and thanks). Men can have complete domain over their reproductive abilities but women cannot. Seems fair, right? I mean, it’s not like women are real people anyway.

2. And Viagra.

And what of the Viagra pills Hobby Lobby is willing to cover for male employees? It is primarily used by older dudes who have trouble conjuring up a boner during sexy time, right? Presumably, old enough that making another of Jesus’ littlest followers may not be the primary objective of their every roll in the hay. Didn’t the Bible say somewhere that sex should only be used for procreation? I must have missed the clause where it also protects 80-year old men who want to pretend they are Hugh Hefner.

3. They invest 401k dollars into companies that produce a copper IUD and also, Plan B.

According to Motherjones: Documents filed with the Department of Labor and dated December 2012””three months after the company’s owners filed their lawsuit””show that the Hobby Lobby 401(k) employee retirement plan held more than $73 million in mutual funds with investments in companies that produce emergency contraceptive pills, intrauterine devices, and drugs commonly used in abortions. Hobby Lobby makes large matching contributions to this company-sponsored 401(k).

So I guess by their flaccid, woman-hating, old man logic, its acceptable to support these “baby-killing” materials so long as it adds to their bottom line. Because, money. Oh, and because they don’t give a sparrow’s shit about women, naturally.

4. Their stores only play tinkly Jesus music that puts me to sleep.

I admit this is a personal grievance of mine but I am mad right now so everything is on the table.

5. Infuriatingly enough, they offer no more maternity coverage than other retail employers. Which is basically, bupkis.

From the research I have done, (and please correct me if I am wrong), it would seem that Hobby Lobby does nothing out of the ordinary for it’s minimum-wage-making, hourly employees who need to take time off to have a baby. It would be nice if, as suggested by Washington Post reporter Petula Dvorak, Hobby Lobby decided to walk the walk and talk the talk by actually providing their employees with “the most fantastic, bang-up, paid and protected parental leave in the United States”. It won’t happen but I need to have some happy dreams to counteract the horrible shit running on a loop in my brain right now.

6. Much of their product comes from China and we all know how awesome they are with human rights. Oh, and forced abortions. Also, the selective killing of female babies.

Never mind the fact that China is a gleaming pioneer in the area of forced abortions and myriad human rights violations. Just don’t think too hard about it. Because they make cheap, ugly, religious memorabilia that can be turned around for serious coin. Apparently, when a profit is to be made, Jesus turns the other cheek.

7. Most offensively of all, they sell this.