10 Things A Puppy Can Do Better Than Your Baby

I’ve heard of this thing called football before, but shut up, the Puppy Bowl is on. The Puppy Bowl X airs at 3 PM on February 2, 2014, right before the Super Bowl. Spoiler alert””the Puppy Bowl is way better.

In fact, there are many ways that puppies are superior because puppies can do no wrong. You’ve heard the old adage that you should try to take care of a house plant and then a pet to determine if you’re fit to have a kid. If you starve your puppy or set your house plant on fire, or vice versa, then maybe you’re not ready to take on human life.

But what if a puppy is enough? What if you don’t really need a baby because a puppy is better in every way? I have two kids of my own, but I’m still a sucker for a good puppy. Here are 10 ways puppies beat babies every time:

1. Puppies chew on rubber toys, not your nipple.

2. Puppies spend nine weeks in the oven, not nine months. If a baby only took nine weeks, I’d have a whole litter.

3. Their teenage years are spent as man’s best friend, not locked in their room only communicating through social media.

4. If they cry at night, you can put them in a cage (for a little while).

5. You can leave them at home all day while you work, save for a few accidents.

6. Puppy poop is easy to clean up with a paper towel versus projectile diaper blowouts that may never come out of your hair.

7. Puppies drool less than babies and kiss more. (D’AWWW)

8. Puppies adorably play fetch, while throwing a ball at your baby could be considered child abuse.

9. Puppies simply cannot cry at ear-piercing decibels (for hours and hours and hours).

10. Choosing a puppy name is easy and hardly matters. Choosing the right baby name could determine their future career””no pressure! The art of puppy naming is easy: Just pick any ole name or inanimate object and add an “ie” or “y” to the end. True story, I had dogs named Blackie and Brownie as a kid because I was very literal.