Horrible Human Being Lies About Kidnapped Child so Police Will ‘Work Harder’ to Find His Stolen Car

 (haveseen/iStockPhoto)

A short-sighted asshole from Philadelphia is facing charges this week after he lied and told police that a child had been kidnapped to make them “work harder” to find his stolen car.

According to Philly.com, a 22-year-old Philadelphia man named Marcus Fletcher called police to report a kidnapping and robbery. He’s a pizza delivery driver and  told the police that his four-year-old nephew was in the backseat of his Ford Explorer when two men held him at gunpoint and took his car, his wallet, and his phone.

Police of course leaped into action to find and rescue the missing boy, and they say they found the car within minutes. It was parked nearby and the doors were locked, and there was nobody in it and no car seat. They were, of course, still panicked about finding the missing boy, but then it started to look like Fletcher’s story was coming apart. He described the robbery several times, but police say he couldn’t give them a good description of the alleged nephew, or the child’s parents. (Because, you know, calling the child’s parents would be very high up there on the list of priorities.)

Fletcher eventually admitted that there was no kid in the car at all. It’s not clear if he even has a nephew. He says he told police there was a missing child because he’d been robbed before and had not been happy with how hard the police worked to investigate that crime or recover his property.

Clearly this is horrible, but I find myself utterly bewildered by this guy’s thought process. What was his end goal in this ruse? If he is completely, 100-percent effective, the police will find his car, realize there was no kidnapped child, and then he will face charges and universal opprobrium. That’s the best-case ending for this guy. He might have lit a fire under the officers’ butts to go find his car, but now he’s in jail on charges of making a false police report.