Javier Bardem Put Another Baby Inside Penelope Cruz To Help With Worldwide Gorgeous Human Shortage

I’m so happy that Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem have decided to procreate again because it is my opinion that too many ugly people in the world are having babies. I mean, do we really need anymore ugmo non-celebrity mouthbreather babies in the world to go around uglying up the place? No, we do not! So thank heavens we can all count on Javier and Penelope to give birth to some sparkly gorgeous child that will one day grow up to be as beautiful as they are .

The couple, who married in 2010, have one child together named Leo. The couple, who are both Oscar winners, are said to be about three months pregnant. I say couple because I have decided that all celebrity couples are now pregnant together, just like Kim Kardashian and Kanye Fat Face West. The couple are also starring in an upcoming movie together called ”The Counselor,” directed by Ridley Scott. No word on whether or not the couple is gaining a ton of weight and eating at Fat Burger, but I heard from a source that Penelope’s teeth are glowing!

Penelope is not the only gorgeous person to be expecting a child, because her sister Monica recently announced she is expecting her first baby with an anonymous sperm donor. Monica is an actress and dancer, and she will be blogging about her pregnancy for the El Pais newspaper in Spain. More gorgeous baby humans on the way!

Before any of you ugly-baby-defenders get all cranky with me you need to realize I am just being sarcastic. I like ugly babies just as much as the beautiful babies, I just don’t want to hold them. I once had to hold a baby that very closely resembled a cross between a spider monkey and a hobbit, and I am still traumatized by it. The news that Penelope and Javier are expecting has almost wiped that trauma from my memory!

(photo: WENN)