Comparing your offspring to the likes of Gollum from Lord of the Rings may seem like a harsh comparison. After all, what could your child possibly have in common with a tiny, temperamental, bug-eyed creature who runs around half-naked and obsesses over something you don’t want them to have? Well, slap my ass and call me Bilbo Baggins.
And I know what you may be thinking, why in the world would anyone want to use Gollum GIFs to explain parenting? To which I say, why not? Nothing about parenting or children makes sense anyway, we might as well have some fun with it.
Yup, every parent knows the trials and tribulations of mealtime. One day your child likes something, the next they don’t. You decide to put your foot down. Whatever you set in front of them is what they’ll eat, dammit! Until you get fed up and throw crushed up Pop Tarts on the floor for them to eat. Stick a fork in me, I’m done.
2. I’m bored
When you become a parent, you’ll have to get creative in order to think of ways to keep your child entertained. Sometimes, though, you just don’t have the energy. This is when your kids get stir crazy and decide to climb your head like it’s Mt. Everest. Kids love games. Candyland, Operation, How Many Times Can I Repeat Myself Before Mommy Loses Her Shit?
3. I just want to pee alone
There’s just something about a parent’s bowel movements that strikes wonder and awe in the hearts of children. They must be present. They must be right in front of you, maintaining the most awkward eye contact of your life. There’s no escaping this, and if you try, it’s just a matter of time before they find you and turn into Jack Nicholson in The Shining to get to you.
4. Yes. No. I don’t know
If you’ve ever asked a child a question, then this GIF is all too familiar. Children are indecisive little creatures. To them, the world is so big, so full of possibilities and ways to ruin your day. They must choose wisely which means they’ll change their minds. A lot.
5. I don’t want to!
Speaking of decision making, kids lose it when they’re forced to do something they don’t like. So, 80% of the time. And they’ll let you know it by throwing a huge tantrum. Oh, and they’re smart. They’ll wait until you’re in public, on the phone, or about to do something really important and then they’ll unleash their wrath because they know they have witnesses.
Friends? I think I used to have one of those. When you become a parent, your social circle begins to dwindle as your priorities shift. You give up your life for your child. And then they hit you with some pretty hard truths. Being a parent is a humbling experience.