Welcome to my weekly Bad Mom Advice column where I attempt to answer all of your parenting questions as only I know how — with zero degree in early childhood development, but with the experience of raising four kids and not having any of them in prison – yet! Plus, I back all my advice on numerous scientific research, which may or may not include me making fun of your dumb kid behind your back and drinking a bunch of wine! Welcome to Bad Mom Advice!
My teenage son wants to spend the night at his girlfriend’s house, he is 15. should I let him?
Sure. You just tell us where we should send the “Congratulations Grandma!” cards in around ten months. No, I’m joking. I don’t care. Let him sleep over if he wants. Or don’t.
Here’s the deal. This is a very personal decision. It all depends on what your own moral barometer says in regard to this situation. Have you had a talk with your kid about what you expect from him regarding sex and whether or not you want him to be sexually active? If you do decide to let him stay over none of that will matter anyway so you need to make sure he is using protection. Where will they be sleeping? How do her parents feel about this? If these crazy kids wanna bump uglies they will do it regardless of whether or not he sleeps over, they will do it in a box with a fox on a train in a plane all that. By telling him that he can sleep over you are basically telling him you are OK with him being sexually active. And I don’t care. That is YOUR business. Now if he is sleeping over for another reason, they could still end up having sex and you have to realize that. I can only sort of compare this to my own kid, who is 17. His GF is 16 and she lives about 30 minutes from us. I have invited her to stay over so her parents don’t have to pick her up at night, under the understanding she would bunk up with my daughter and my son would sleep in the finished basement. My room is next to my daughter’s so I doubt any wacky late night shenanigans would go down, but this young lady has never stayed over anyway. For me I don’t care who spends the night and I also realize that teens will have sex, I guess for me, my own rules are that contraception is used and I don’t wanna hear about it. So if it ever happens at my house I don’t wanna know. I’m still at the stage where I demand all doors be left open, because as a parent I believe if kids wanna have sex before marriage, they should do it in the woods behind the 7-11 like we used to do in the good ‘ol days.
This next question comes courtesy of Twitter, from my good friend Zach Rosenberg, who you can find along with Bryan Ferguson at their fabulous blog 8BitDad. Which I highly suggest you add to your reading list.
At any given time on my Pod playlist, you will find the most misogynistic woman-hatey music you could ever imagine. How do I reconcile the fact I listen to songs like Slob My Knob by Murs with the fact I also consider myself a feminist? I do so, probably pretty lamely. I do that thing where I compartmentalize my feminism and the art I enjoy. I also really dig gallo films from the 1970’s but I am extremely outspoken against violence against women. I love David LaChapelle‘s work. I subscribe to Vogue and yet I’m appalled at the fashion industry’s depiction of women.
Such a contradiction!
Here’s the thing, you can like stuff without agreeing with the message.
You can enjoy art, or movies, or books that are a direct contradiction with your core beliefs. It helps where we are at the (advanced) age where we can analyze and scrutinize and contemplate the media which we consume. I’m lucky because I have a teen who is very into the same music I am and we often discuss the lyrical content and how it relates to life and our feelings and what is going on in the world today. One thing that always trips me up is that it’s OK if the shizz I like is against what I believe, but if say Maroon 5 or someone were to release a song like “Ain’t No Fun” I’d be all bitching about how terrible it is. Art is so subjective!
So to answer your question, I have no answer. Maybe the readers can answer. I do love talking about stuff like this, but I can’t think of a good reason to give up my N.W.A. even though I know that the majority of rap music is derogatory towards women and these young boys today being exposed to music that is derogatory towards women doesn’t help in creating a world where men grow up to be less derogatory towards women. Rap music, especially the violent misogynistic stuff should really only be sold to old housewives like me who are able to separate the music from the message. besides, do you have any idea how awesome that shit is to clean house to?
Need some Bad Mom Advice? Of course you do! Hit me up on twitter using the #BadmomAdvice bat signal, email me, or leave me a message here. Also, I will be LIVE TWEETING The Canyons on August Second, that’s Friday, because I’m obnoxious and I’m totally psyched about it. Maybe I can make Koa Beck live tweet it with me. But you guys totally should. It will be like family movie night, except for watching a Brett Easton Ellis movie starring Lindsay Lohan.