man scared of womanOkay so you know how we’ve written about the living troll that is Matt Walsh and thought that there couldn’t possibly be a more offensive and ridiculous anti-feminist conservative out there? Well I was wrong. Patrick Howley is on a mission to save men. Not from actual dangers that white males face in large numbers, like heart disease or stroke. No, Howley is afraid of women, specifically “progressive women” and he wants men to avoid us at all cost.

Patrick Howley, who looks like the poor man’s B.J. Novak, (sorry Novack) recently wrote an essay for The Daily Caller titled Men Should Avoid Progressive Woman For Their Own Safety. Go ahead, read it if you want, but you may want to warm up first, otherwise you might pull something from all the eye-rolling it’s bound to cause.

Howley’s essay, which reads a bit like the online journal of a geeky teen who’s mad that the girl he asked to prom said “No”, sprawls out in more directions than a manspreader. But it seems to be rooted in the idea that men should be afraid of women because we are likely to ruin your lives with false rape claims. He writes:

Feminists, in coordination with their allies in the media, have discovered a powerful weapon, and they’re guarding it with blind, fervent activist group-think. In a post-Sandra Fluke age of overnight social media stars and victimization-as-currency, any college girl with an ax to grind can be guaranteed immediate national celebrity so long as she accuses the right kind of men — be they fraternity brothers or campus Republicans. She’ll be shielded from any personal criticism of her background or her motives, and if her story comes apart the folks promoting her lies will still go on to political prominence and MSNBC split-screens. It’s an entire industry.

Do you hear that?  We can get famous by lying about rape. And all this time I thought hard work and dedication was how I’d land a book deal.

As tempting as “victimization as currency” sounds, I’d really rather not have my sexual history, drinking habits or choice of clothing come under scrutiny though. Maybe we should try a economy based on panty liners instead. They’ll still fit in wallets and the scented ones will make your jeans smell nice. If a guy asks nicely, I’ll give him the tampons he needs to break that overnight maxi pad so he can use the vending machine.

All kidding aside, Holwey’s claim that women can and do lie about being raped all the time because there are no consequences is crap. Victims of sexual assault aren’t shielded from criticism in the slightest. And no one in a healthy mental state would volunteer to put themselves in that position just to fuck with some guy. In the alleged sexual assault case that took place at Stanford last week, where Brock Allen Turner was arrested for the alleged rape of an unconscious woman, it was only a matter of hours before the media started discussing how much alcohol the victim had drank. He allegedly violated someone who in no way could consent, and somehow, it’s her actions that are under question. It’s like having your Porsche stolen, going to the police and getting told the theft was your fault because you shouldn’t have parked there.