My Kid Is Just In A Crap Mood Stop Judging Me

You know sometimes at the end of a long day you’re in a crap mood and just want to be left alone? Yeah, that’s happens to kids, too. A lot. And yet it often feels like we’re judging them for it or, let’s get real here, judging their parents for raising a miserable child. This happened to me the other week and it’s still pissing me off.

It happened during the heatwave. I sent my 6-year-old off to camp on a non-air-conditioned bus. They picked him up at 8:10 a.m. and dropped him home at 5 p.m. In kid years, that’s like a full day at the office! Sure, he spent the day playing soccer and eating ice pops and practicing the “camp dance,” but still… it’s a full day. And my kid was nervous about camp to begin with, so we’ve got to factor in the emotional aspect, too.

All this to say, I can emphasize with my son when he walks off the sweltering hot bus each day. In a perfect world, he’s jump into my arms and tell me how awesome his day was and how much he loves me. (He’d also thank us for spending our life’s savings on this godforsaken camp.) In reality, he can barely keep it together. All he wants is TV and some sort of junky snack.

Well, on this one day last week there was no time for him to chill post-camp. I had booked him a haircut but first we had to stop at his classmate’s house to drop off a (belated) birthday present. When we got there, the mom was sitting on her front steps watching her darling angel shoot hoops on the driveway. “I can only stay for a minute,” I told her. We made small talk for a couple of minutes, which is when my son started to whine and pout and complain like there’s no tomorrow.

“I’m staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarved,” he told me 1,700 times.

“Mommeeeeee, you said we could go! Why are you still talking?!”

“Let’s goooooooooooo. I’m bored!!”

I tried the usual tricks, like asking him to please be patient and telling him I know he’s hungry and that we’d be leaving in 60 seconds. That’s when he pretty much broke down, and that’s when this other mom gave me the face. You know, the one that screams, “Your child is a whiny brat.” She couldn’t hide it it was written all over her face.

Remember that scene in Sex and the City when Carrie runs into Nina Katz Aidan‘s first girlfriend post-break up (she’s the SNL booker)? “I went out with Aidan right after you,” she tells Carrie before giving her the face. “It was a full-frontal attack of the face like, ‘Wow, was he messed up. You really screwed him up good,'” is how Carrie later described it. I know, I’m a loser for quoting SATC 10 years after the fact, but the look this mother gave me totally reminded of me of that SATC episode. (Beyond!)

It was a look of pure judgement combined with maybe 10 percent pity. And you know what? It sucked! I felt like she was judging not only my child for being moody, which in and of itself made me want to give her a left hook to the head, but me as a mother, as well. There was zero compassion. Rather than helping matters offering a snack, for instance, or acknowledging that we better get going she kept me there with bullshit chit-chat about nothing. I was all, “It’s been a long day, we better get going,” and she’d respond with, “So, any exciting plans for the summer?” On and on this went in circles.

“He’s really tired and we’re late for an appointment. Speak soon, okay?” I’d say.

“Are you going to sign B. up for after-school soccer next year?” she’d respond with the face.

I actually hadn’t realized how annoying she was ’til we got to the hairdresser’s. That’s when my child got extra whiny at this point we were both in tears and I quietly told the hairdresser, herself a mother of three, “Ohmigod, I’m mortified. Sorry he’s being such a pill.”

“It’s time we stopped apologizing for our children’s behavior,” was her response, and she went on to ask my son about his day.

It made me fall in love with her! Because you know what? She is absolutely right. If our children misbehave that is, if they’re rude or disrespectful, if they hit, curse, yell or refuse to listen then, yes, they deserve to be disciplined and punished. But when they’re in a shit mood? Let’s cut them some slack, shall we?

I know that when I myself get home after a particularly long and stressful day, I just want to be left alone. Once I get the kids to bed, I’ll often zone out in front of the TV with a bag of popcorn. I’ll even tell my husband not to speak to me under any circumstances (Wife of the Year!). And you know what? I usually feel better within an hour.

Let’s show our kids the same respect. And, for the love of god, let’s stop judging other moms for their kids’ behavior. They’re entitled to be moody, too, dammit!

(Photo: Lesley Rigg/Shutterstock)