5 Miley Cyrus Halloween Costumes We Hopefully Won’t Be Seeing On Tweens

Now that Halloween is upon us, it’s officially that time of year when costumes for girls, specifically tweens, are straight up frightening. All of a sudden words like “naughty” and “sassy” will sexualize everything from bananas to Alice in Wonderland and you’ll cry into your iPhone Googling alternatives for your 12-year-old. But given that a certain portion of parents — and the whole of the Internet — had a big old scandalized meltdown following 20-year-old Miley Cyrus‘s VMA performance this year, I imagine we’ll be seeing a wealth of costumes inspired by her vigorous performance. But dear god, please not on children.

Please oh please let advertisers and costume companies stay away from this one. It’s as if I can somehow, somewhere sense the packaging of a thousand teddy onesies with Miley’s face on them, specifically for girls aged nine to 11. Please no.

While I deemed certain aspects of Miley’s performance problematic (and just plain bad), her sexuality was definitively not one of them. Disney was a loooong time ago, gang, and it’s emphatically not her responsibility to reflect whatever moral sexual compass you want to instill in your kids. Nevertheless, it’s like some parents just see this on loop:

But despite that Miley is grownup who can wear whatever the hell she wants, I don’t believe in the sexualization of children and marketing this Miley VMAs costume business to kids crosses into different territory entirely. So let’s keep an eye out for the following in kids’ sizes.

1. VMAs Inspired “Teddy”

This one apparently “runs small” so I’m already afraid.

2. Miley Inspired Zipper Leotard With Foam Finger 

The woman modeling this appears to be over 18. Check.

3. Simple Miley T-Shirt

This is in a juniors size! You’ve been warned.

4. Miley & Robin Thick “Twerk It” Costume

Everyone looks like an adult here. So whatever.

5. DIY Miley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU4VHdzbi7k

Your kids aside, this is amazing.