It’s not often that I want to tell science to go fuck itself, but now is one of those times. A new study suggests that women who have had more kids tend to be less attractive than women who’ve had fewer kids. So apparently large families are making moms a bunch of uggos. Thanks, science, you asshole!

Large families can be a blessing, if that’s your thing! But now science, that rat bastard, is being rude as hell with this new (and completely pointless) study.

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The study, published by the American Journal of Anthropology, says women who have given birth to fewer children were deemed more attractive by men and women. They were also judged as being younger and healthier. If there was a way to insert a middle finger into this article, it would go here.

Researchers took pictures of post-menopausal women with differing amounts of kids (1-2, 4-5 and 7-9 kids per woman). Then they had participants judge those photographs on attractiveness, healthfulness, and how healthy the woman’s face appeared. WHY.

The group that ranked lowest across all categories consistently were women with 7-9 kids. The women with fewer kids, in the 1-2 category, ranked highest. Researchers went through all of this and still couldn’t come up with a definitive reason for the results, although they do have a theory.

They suggested that oxidative stress may be to blame for the toll having more kids can have on a woman’s body.

Oxidative stress occurs when there is an imbalance of free radicals and our body’s ability to fight their effects. Free radicals are molecules that damage our cells and DNA. The placenta, as it turns out, is the perfect place for free radicals to live and thrive (so maybe think twice before eating yours). So, following that line of reasoning, women who’ve had more kids, and thus more placentas, are exposed to more free radicals, which increases her oxidative stress.

BE THAT AS IT MAY. There wasn’t a better way to come to this conclusion than having strangers evaluate how attractive a woman is? No one needs to hear this shit.

The bottom line is, sometimes science is stupid as hell. If you want to have a big family, HAVE A BIG FAMILY. I promise you, anyone who sees a mom handling 6 kids while holding a coffee and keeping her house from burning down will tell you: that is the hottest, most attractive woman on the planet. Moms are hot, no matter how many kids they have.  Take that, science.

(Image: iStock / paylessimages)