Kim Kardashian needs to hurry up and do something stupid before I start to feel sympathy towards her. Hollywood Life has a story up this morning discussing how Kim has a
fat prego pig “fuller” face and accompanying photos comparing how she looked pre-having-a-baby-put-inside-her and now, and although the article does say she looks “gorgeous” there is this underlying hint that chick has got fat face. Which she is supposed to, because pregnancy makes you retain water and usually gain weight and all of that good stuff. Kim is reportedly only three months pregnant, and if we (as in we the world, you can go ahead and sing “We Are The World” in your mind because I am) are already analyzing the landscape of her face and the fact her cheeks look a teensy tiny bit fuller, I hate to see what happens in another three months when Kim develops cankles.
It’s all so creepy, how we scrutinize and criticize pregnant celebrities, and I have yet to see an article suggesting baby daddy Kanye is gaining sympathy weight or suggesting he needs to start a new fitness regime because when you have a new baby, you tend to let things fall by the wayside a bit, things like working out religiously and eating a second Krispy Kreme because grabbing a bowl of salad is just too much damn work. But that totally happens to new fathers too, and I bet if we paid as much attention to how they looked after their children were born we would notice an extra ten pounds here or some under eye circles there or some other tiny physical flaw that can only be attributed to the fact they are now caring for a needy eight pound bundle of joy. Yes, men do not experience the same level of physical transformation as women do when undergoing pregnancy, but no man is as perfectly groomed and sculpted post-baby as he was pre-baby.
Instead of focusing on every single pound Kim gains or how her face looks or what maternity clothing she is wearing, I’m going to totally start media-stalking Kanye and the second I see him indulging in a burger or leaving the house with stubble on his face I’m going to blame it on this pregnancy. Kim K did not get pregnant all by herself so why should she have to be scrutinized all by herself too? Watch out Kanye, the second I see you buying a mocha frappe with whipped cream, it’s totally baby bump news.