A church in Wales went all-out for its nativity play this year, and they even had live animals, including sheep and donkeys, present at the birth of Jesus. But things got a little out of hand last week when everyone was gathered close to worship their lord and savior, and then Jesus’ ass bit a kid in the audience.
I’m going to Hell, because this is me right now:
The child was not injured. The biting incident just disrupted the nativity and caused a bit of panic amongst parents and parishoners, because of course some people like having the donkeys there, and other people just don’t want to get bitten by donkeys while they’re trying to behold the holy infant.
According to the BBC, the donkeys were a contentious addition to the show long before one of them decided to chomp on a nearby child. When St. Mary’s Church in Barry announced its live donkeys, animal welfare activists said it was cruel and “Victorian-style exploitation.” They went on with it anyway, though, because donkeys are cute and clearly the best part of any nativity scene, well until you get one of those “donkey bites child” incidents and everyone stops paying attention to the newborn king.
A church spokesperson said the donkeys play “a crucial role in the nativity story and are a very popular addition to other church events throughout the year,” but after the biting incident, the donkeys were removed from the festivities. The donkeys probably aren’t upset about it, though. Donkeys almost certainly prefer standing around a barn to standing around a barn full of saints and frankincense.
The real winner in this story is the child, though, because in a few years that little Welsh kid will be the college kid running around showing everyone “where I got bit by Jesus’ ass during the church nativity.”