Jessa Duggar got married this weekend in a lovely and surprisingly fashion-forward pink dress, but even speculation about why she was not wearing a white dress couldn’t distract everyone from the presence of America’s most regretted adolescent crush, Kirk Cameron.
Cameron showed up
because he heard there’d be cameras to show his daughters what a first kiss looks like when the woman is not a hell-bound Jezebel.
“Aren’t they adorable?” Cameron wrote on his public Facebook page. “My daughters and I were invited to Jessa and Ben’s wedding and we took this photo during the rehearsal dinner the night before. They were bursting with anticipation! We flew to the Duggar hometown, not only to be part of the fun and excitement of honoring this precious couple, but as a father, I want my daughters to see what it looks like when a couple reserves their “first kiss” for at the altar.”
I don’t know why Cameron wrote “first kiss” in quotes, but apparently taking one’s children to a Duggar wedding is a good way to reinforce tired and dangerous ideas about feminine purity and submissiveness. Make sure never to kiss or front-hug, girls, and you too can get married in front of 1,000 people who know more about your vagina than your gynecologist does.
“Wow! This kind of moral excellence and purity is rare today, but our sons and daughters are priceless. This dad has only a few years to etch these meaningful images on the minds of his children.”
God, this guy is making me envy all the women in 10 to 15 years who will be able to say their most regrettable adolescent crush was Justin Bieber.
Cameron started out as a curly-haired teen heartthrob who grew up to be a purity-obsessed homophobe, and it’s impossible to see Alan Thicke now and not think of Robin Thicke instead. Oh, Growing Pains, why do I still have such fond memories of you?