I Borrowed Money From My Parents To Pay For My IVF

IVFWhen Sarah and her husband were trying for their first baby, she describes their jobs as “great.” With a combined income that she esteems as “above average,” the family had both a combined savings account and a retirement savings plan. Yet, when the couple was confronted with the cost of infertility treatments, they decided against dipping into their savings and considered a loan instead.

The couple attempted to get pregnant naturally for a year without any luck. Because both hopeful parents were healthy and under the age of 35, doctors soon suggested that they meet with a fertility specialist. After intensive testing, doctors couldn’t discern the reason why Sarah and her husband were not conceiving. No diagnosis was ever concluded, which she suggests that she didn’t lose any sleep over.

“Everyone seemed to agree that getting pregnant shouldn’t have taken us as long as it did.,” Sarah remembers. “That isn’t uncommon. There is a lot of unknown territory in the world of infertility so no one was surprised that we didn’t have anything clearly wrong at that moment.”

Nevertheless, the pair still found themselves considering their next course of action: IUI and IVF. They quickly learned that although their insurance covered the initial diagnostic testing, treatments were not covered at all. Sarah and her husband shelled out $5,000 of their own money to attempt IUI along with an additional $700 for fertility drugs, which failed — twice. Upon reviewing IVF possibilities, husband and wife learned that their clinic had a shared risk program in which parents paid $20,000 for six rounds of IVF. If they were unsuccessful by the sixth round, they would get all their money returned to them. Outside the shared risk program, one round of IVF costed an estimated $11,000.

“We weighed the cost and the value of the shared risk program and ultimately decided that it was worth the risk,” Sarah tells Mommyish. “Worst case scenario was that we paid too much money but we had a baby who was priceless.”

When it came time to budget the cost, Sarah and her husband realized that they were not comfortable scooping from their savings as deeply as they ultimately needed to. They both began considering alternative means to fund their wish for their child, which lead each them to the possibility of a family loan. After talking over the idea with each of their parents separately, both sets of eager grandparents were “happy” to loan their kids the money — and with no interest. The family, or very sympathetic “bank” as Sarah considers them, worked out a monthly payment plan with each couple fronting 50% of the IVF price tag. The real appeal, Sarah recalls, was that they would not risk any significant drainage to their assets, reducing even just a little bit of anxiety from the entire process.

“It just meant that we could pay it back without stress, no interest, no late fees, no impact on our credit, and still have our safety net in the bank in an emergency. In some ways, that was just as valuable as the money itself,” she points out. “While [our parents] were certainly not pressuring us to pay it back ASAP, we didn’t want the debt hanging over our heads — and we didn’t want to have too much of it remaining once the baby came.”

She remains adamant that she and her husband didn’t exactly “need” the money,” but that the financial security was very assuring to both parents as they navigated this very costly terrain in their marriage.

“Our families will both tell you that they would’ve paid much more to have [a grandchild] in their lives,” she adds.

After that understanding “bank” settled all the paperwork, Sarah and her husband pressed on, eventually getting pregnant on the first round of IVF. Sarah admits that they ultimately did pay about $10,000 more than was necessary to procure their baby, but also tells Mommyish that she would have paid much more. The couple welcomed a baby girl and paid off their familial IVF loan in just over a year. They both continue to work, squirreling money away into a 529 college plan for their daughter and keeping with their budgeting principles.

“We’re frugal people who live within our means — never carrying a balance on our credit cards, for example,” Sarah tells Mommyish. “Our only debt is our mortgage, which we pay promptly.”

The mother maintains that she has absolutely no regrets about reaching out to her parents and in-laws to bankroll their family expansion. She remains very open about the decision with friends, many of whom are experiencing the same stress, financial and otherwise, of infertility themselves. She finds that misconceptions about IVF costs and family finances continue to pervade, even in the parenting blogosphere.

“[One misconception is] that if you can’t afford the cost up-front, you can’t afford a baby. That’s absurd. People finance their homes all the time people of all different financial backgrounds. There are extremely high costs associated with maintaining a home. Just because I have a mortgage doesn’t mean I can’t afford to take care of my house. I don’t see how it is different.”

A recent Mommyish poll on fertility financing, companies offering loans to couples strapped for IVF cash, found that a majority of readers would not be comfortable paying for their children in the same fashion as some do for a home. Yet, a sizable chunk of readers did appear to be on board with the idea, varying interest rates and all.

Sarah is considering another baby in the undetermined future, upon which she would not hesitate to ask for another loan from her parents if need be. For the time being, the family has secured seven frozen embryos from Sarah’s original egg retrieval, meaning that costs going forward will be significantly cheaper. But despite what metaphoric assets the couple has in the bank, they’re still gambling on the free method of conception for now.

(photo: FuzzBones/ Shutterstock)

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