Infomercials take place in an alternative universe where up is down, left is right and no one knows how to do anything without the help of some overpriced, cutely named product with an “As Seen on TV” label. The most inept citizen of Infomercial Land is the infomercial mom. This type of mom is an attractive-but-non-threatening 35-45-year-old middle class woman in mom jeans who just can’t get ANYTHING right.

10. GoJo Hands-Free

GoJo Hands Free

Look at this mom. What would she do without the GoJo Hands-Free dork-o-rama 3000 or whatever it’s called? Only chumps use real hands-free devices. And it’s still more attractive than a Bluetooth.

9. AirCurler

AirCurler

Do you love the look of beautiful, soft curly hair, but lack the common sense to just buy a damn curling iron or some rollers like a normal mom? Well do I have a product for you!

8. Perfect Slicer

Perfect Slicer

If I’ve learned anything from Infomercials, it’s that moms CANNOT figure out how to use a knife. An overly complicated slicing contraption? No problem! A tool that’s been around since before the invention of the wheel? NOPE.

Perfect Slicer 2

So much nope…

7. Jiffy Fries

Jiffy Fries

 

This mom is thinking “Fries are SO HARD. So very, very HARD,” as she cries deeply into her sippy cup of chardonnay.

6. No Spill Chill

No Spill Chill

 

The guy in this infomercial literally says “Oops! Uh oh! Look out! Lets’s face it, getting your ice cube tray from the sink to the freezer is like balancing on a tight rope!” Yup, and washing your dishes is like battling a grizzly bear in the Colorado rapids. Totally the same thing.