sex pregnancyHaving sex while pregnant is a lot like learning to drive. At least that’s what it would sound like to an outsider: “Okay, a little slower. That’s right! Good. Wait…okay…a little too the left…to the right…Slow! Slow!” I was thinking about this as I was in the middle of having sex last week, which I probably shouldn’t have been thinking about.

My sex life has not diminished at all since I’ve become pregnant (only five weeks left!), but it’s definitely gotten more difficult. My fiancé, out of concern, actually said to me recently, “We should have a ‘safe’ word, just in case you’re in pain or I’m hurting you.” I responded with the suggestion, “How about ‘Get the F*** off of me!’” Or, simply, “Stop!”

The problem, I’ve learned, is that my ‘normal’ grunting and groaning during sex actually sounds a lot like I’m in pain. Who knew? Too many times to count, my fiancé has asked, “Are you okay? Is everything okay?” while we’re doing it, and I’ll be like, “Um, yeah! Everything is fine! Continue!” And he’ll respond, “Oh, I thought I was hurting you,” and I’ll be like, “Nope, those are my usual sex sounds!”

But recently it’s been very difficult to have sex. It has nothing to do with our combined three other children being around or that I’m not feeling frisky. It really has just become, well, difficult. This big belly in front of me makes it hard to do anything, really, including walking. I feel a bit badly that my fiancé is, quite literally, doing all the work. Thus far, I’ve gained 42 pounds and that’s a lot of weight to move around. All I can basically do during sex time is lie on my back with a pillow propped behind my head. I could sit on top of him, but I’m a little embarrassed by how I look. (I’m sorry! I know. I know. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. I have to get over it!) And I worry that I’m hurting him.

Sometimes, he can roll one of my legs over, so I’m half on my side, which is a pretty good position, until I realize I’m having a hard time breathing. There’s no way I can lie on my stomach. And don’t let them fool you. No matter how much yoga you practiced before getting pregnant, once you have a huge belly in front of you, it really doesn’t matter how flexible you are. Your legs just don’t go that way any more.