With A House-full Of Women, No Wonder My Fiance Is Totally Emasculated

Oh, GIRL do I feel for my fiance, living with five females in the house. (Me, my daughter, his two daughters 50 per cent of the time and our nanny.)

We’re a really open family, so it was no surprise when my stepdaughter came home and said grumpily, ”I got my period.” I responded back grumpily, ”So did I! We’re on the same cycle!” and then we high-fived each other and popped some Advil’s together. There’s nothing like bonding with your stepdaughter having the same menstrual cycle. Soon enough, there will be five of us on the same cycle.

My fiance, who was in the room, just rolled his eyes and said, ”Great,” and was probably thinking of moving into a hotel for the next few days. Which I would totally understand. Except that would get pretty expensive each month.

Every female in our house is extremely”¦sensitive and female, to make a sweeping generalization. We have no fewer than 50 hairbrushes, thousands of hair elastics, bras everywhere and we talk about boys a lot.

Dinner conversations include boys, puberty, boob sizes, hairstyles and tampons. When we can’t find a hair elastic or brush which is amazing since all of us females have long hair – it’s like a national emergency. If our hair straightner breaks, there are tears.

In fact, there is always some female crying in our house, usually over something about boys or frienemies or jealousy, especially when we have our periods and just can’t help it. And it’s just going to get worse…at least for my fiance. My youngest stepdaughter is going through puberty. And then my daughter will too. (Although we all wear bras.)

In fact, my nanny, too, is also on the same cycle as my bonus daughter and me. I love living with so many girls. It’s like overnight camp all over again. For example, my stepdaughters boobs are bigger than mine, so she passes me her old bikini tops. My other stepdaughter asked me the other day if you still get your period when you are in water, in front of her father, who of course, had no idea. My girls borrow my shoes and clothes and ask my opinion about their outfits. One of my stepdaughter does my nails. The other does my hair.

So my poor fiance is stuck with all of us extremely talkative girls, listening to boy troubles, watching and waiting for us to do our hair before we go out, how we need more tampons immediately, and never-ending talk of how hot Channing Tatum is.

I think this is why my fiance was so excited to have a boy finally, so he can play sports with him, and introduce him to ”˜manly’ things, like tools. Luckily, for my fiance, our son is very manly and loves trucks, tools and hockey sticks (although his coordination is less than stellar.)

But, still, it’s us females who run the house (Sorry, five girls to two males! We outnumber you! And there’s this thing called democracy where we get to vote!)

I try to make him feel better, by saying he’s like the King of the household. I have friends with three boys and they do feel like princesses, but I’m not sure it works the other way around. It’s not uncommon for my fiance’s daughter or me to ask him to pick up tampons on his way home from work. It’s more often than not common for him to watch girlie movies with us, usually love stories with cute boys. ”Can’t one person in this house like football?” he once moaned. ”Just one!” He grabbed our son, sat him on his lap, and guess what? Our son loved football. So at least he has that. I grew up with three brothers and people assume that I was treated differently (better) because I was the only girl. Nope. As the only girl, I felt like I had higher expectations placed on me. I remember two fights, when I was a late teenager, with my parents. I wanted to go away on vacation with my boyfriend. My mother was like; ”You could get pregnant on vacation!” I responded, of course, with, ”I could get pregnant here at home!” The second fight was over curfew. Even my younger brother had a later curfew than me, which was totally unfair, but in my parents view, girls should not be out so late. I won both battles, after throwing out words like ”˜stereotype,’ and ”I get better grades than all of them!”

But seeing the opposite side, with three daughters, I do feel for my fiance. But more than that, I love having a hairstylist and manicurist in my house and clothes to borrow. Times have changed. Women buy condoms. Men buy tampons.

My brothers could never do my hair, but my stepdaughters love braiding my hair into fancy styles. I have three girls who love shopping at Victoria’s Secret, while my poor fiance has to sit around and wait for us to try on bra after bra. When we want to get our nails done, he, too, has to sit around and wait. It’s not because we need him there. And it’s not because he enjoys watching us discuss polish colors. He just likes to spend time together with his family.

In fact, I think my fiance knows the working of female brains better than he knows the workings of male brains. He is surrounded by so many girls, who sometimes cry over a pimple, or bad hair day. So, now, I’ve started to sit with him for an hour on Sundays and watch football with him, not because I like football, but because he finds it sexy. And, now, he knows that instead of buying a small box of tampons, he needs to go out and buy the super-size carton. He also now understands that sometimes a girl just needs a good cry for no reason, especially around that time of the month. How can you not admire a man like this? And at least he is nearly bald, so he doesn’t have breakdowns when he can’t find a hair elastic or brush.

(Image: getty images)