pixy-sticks-gift-boxWhen most of us need to bribe our kids, we give them an extra five bucks in their allowance or promise them a favorite dessert after dinner, but that’s only because we’re not cool parents. Cool parents don’t have time for meager allowance raises and brownies — well, unless they happen to be pot brownies with a light dusting of powdered cocaine.

According to Gawker, Florida parents Joey and Chad Mudd allegedly used marijuana and cocaine to bribe their daughters, ages 13 and 15, to do well in school and finish their chores. According to police reports, Joey Mudd, the girls’ mom, waived her rights at the time of her arrest and admitted to smoking marijuana with her daughters on at least five occasions “as a bargaining tool.”

That’s bad enough, but the allegations against her husband are even worse. Chad Mudd is accused of rewarding the two girls with cocaine, which he allegedly snorted with them inside his truck in a local parking lot. He’s now in jail and faces six counts of child abuse and one count of cocaine possession. His wife was charged with two counts of child abuse and posted bond this morning, though she’s still not allowed any contact with her children. The kids are staying with a relative until further notice.

You have to wonder what goes wrong in your parenting that letting your kids snort cocaine starts to seem reasonable. Even stranger, though, is the dichotomy of encouraging your kids to do drugs while also attempting to emphasize the importance of getting good grades and keeping up on the housework. One of those things is not like the other, though I feel like you’re probably not super concerned about sending mixed messages if you’re sitting in a truck snorting cocaine with your teenagers. Just a hunch.

If there’s anything we can take away from this, it’s that kid-bribing is dangerous business. It’s a slippery slope. One second you’re giving them jelly beans for potty training, and the next thing you know they’re 13 years old and you’re buying them cocaine in a seedy parking lot because they got an A in geometry. It might seem tempting to offer your kid a joint in exchange for vacuuming, but just say no, folks. Just say no.

(Photo: Amazon)