Facebook wants to see your nudes, and it’s for a totally normal reason, says Facebook! In an effort to combat revenge porn, the social giant has devised a plan. It’s … a terrible plan, but a plan nonetheless. Facebook would like very much if you’d be so kind and send them nude photos of yourself. But wait! Don’t run screaming for the hills, hear them out first! Facebook wants to see your nudes so they can have actual strangers (them) review them. Ok, now you can run screaming for the hills.

Image: Giphy

Revenge porn is when someone posts a nude photo or video of you online, without your consent. Facebook wants to see your nudes so, they say, they can make sure you don’t fall victim.

But, here’s the thing. The pictures you submit, the NUDE PHOTOGRAPHS OF YOURSELF, would be reviewed by staff members. There will be a team of techies standing by to “review” your nudes, before deciding whether or not they qualify as revenge porn.

LOL Facebook. Nice try. That might have worked that one time in college after too much vodka lemonade, but we’re smarter now.

Image: Giphy

Facebook’s new program will use image matching technology. So once someone sends in a nude photo, it’s entered into a database, which then prevents anyone else from uploading it onto the site. It’s called being “hashed“. The picture will be converted into a unique digital fingerprint, which can then be used to identify and block it from being uploaded by someone else. Which sounds great! Except for the human component.

Facebook can’t be trusted to not sell ads to Russia during an election or come up with an algorithm that doesn’t boot breastfeeding photos. But sure, let’s trust them with pictures of us at our most vulnerable, it’ll be fine.

We are totally on-board with the company trying to do something to combat revenge porn. But honestly, asking people to send in nude photos so some guy or gal can look them over and then store them for who knows how long doesn’t seem like the best way to go about it. And the worst part is, once you’ve sent in your nudes, and strangers have seen them, Facebook is the deciding factor in whether or not they’re considered revenge porn. Again, because Facebook is so trustworthy and makes good decisions. This is going to be a disaster.

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(Image: Pixabay/geralt)