The concept of emotional labor within a marriage or relationship has been getting a lot of attention lately. It’s the idea that women tend to be the “managers” of the household, and are somehow responsible for it running on a daily basis. Like when the laundry needs to be put away, and it doesn’t get put away unless you ask your partner to do it? Yeah, that. For so long, women have been the doers in the household. If we wanted it done, we just did it ourselves. If we wanted someone else to do it (novel concept), well then, all we had to do was ask! But the asking, sweet mercy, THE ASKING. God forbid things just get done because they need to get done. Blogger Constance Hall hit back at this idea that if we want something done, we just need to ask. And we couldn’t agree more.
In a Facebook post that has since gone viral, Constance touches on the concept of emotional labor and women having to “ask” their partners to just carry their own weight around the house.
Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all…
In a different post, Constance was bitching about doing everything around the house. And someone said if she needed help, all she had to do was specifically ask for it. OH REALLY? It’s that simple?? Constance says it’s the asking that ends up being a different kind of grind.
She tried asking. Specifically. And it was exhausting.
In the viral post, Constance says, “So I tried that, asking.. specifics.. ‘Can you take the bin out?’ ‘Can you get up with the kids? I’m just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years. ‘Can you go to woolies? I’ve done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond.’ And yeah, she was right… shit got done. But I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging..”
“And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking…? NOTHING. Again. And so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not your job to ask for help, it’s not my job to write fucking lists.. We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them. Just do it.”
Just. Do. It. Shit has to be done! So why wait around for someone to ask you to do it?
She continues, “Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house. Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet? Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day? Is one of you carrying the weight? Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists…. All your left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer.. It’s not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That’s your job.”
“Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother fuckers.” It’s honestly the VERY LEAST you can do. Emotional labor is exhausting. Just do your fair share.