Welp, pack it in, folks. Nothing more to see here! President* Donald Trump has taken to the Twitters to assure us, the American public, that he is fine. He’s totally fine! Not at all mentally unstable or remarkably dumb! I mean, if you can’t trust what a man who lies an average of 9 times a day and uses a social media platform to threaten nuclear war, then who can you trust?

Image: Giphy

Donald Trump took time out of his busy, busy schedule of slamming Diet Coke and binge-watching Fox News to send some well-thought out and coherent tweets this morning. LOLJK, he rage-tweeted from the john during his morning poop.

This is a common refrain for the dummy in The White House. Apparently if you say there was no collusion, then there was no collusion! It’s like The Secret, put what you want into the universe and the universe will make it so.

“My two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.” Did Gretchen Weiners type this shit? Anytime someone says they’re like, really smart, you should immediately question their intelligence.

A. Very. Stable. Genius. I read this and immediately thought of Wile E. Coyote declaring himself a “SUUUUUPER genius” before running head first at full speed into a fake tunnel painted onto the side of a mountain by a fucking bird who can’t even talk.

Image: Giphy

Now, if you follow the president’s* tweet patterns, you probably know that when he gets like this, he’s in full-on distraction mode. Something is coming, or a story in the news cycle is painting him in a way that he doesn’t like. Michael Wolff’s explosive book came out yesterday, a full 4 days early, and it’s been on everyone’s lips.