I’m going to be looking at you guys to help me get through watching Couple’s Therapy with Courtney Stodden and her super creepy fifty-one year old lecherous douchebag husband Doug Hutchison. It will be a bonding experience for all of us. I’ll bring the bourbon, you bring the barf bags. We have to take a shot every time Courtney Stodden makes her creepy sexy baby smirk face. Or when her husband touches her and makes everyone feel very uncomfortable. We will probably have alcohol poisoning before the second commercial break.
The new promo for VH1’s Couples Therapy is finally here and the very serious and caring voiceover lady tells us “In order to fix their relationships, they’re going to have to fix themselves.”
I’m not sure how Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison can fix themselves, unless they get divorced and Courtney Stodden gets into hardcore one-on-one therapy and goes to college and puts on a sweater. And her creepy husband can, I don’t know, just vanish and stay off of our radar and maybe become an old-timey country veterinarian and spend the next twenty years caring for sick horses and duckies.
The promo then shows Doug throwing Courtney off his lap and almost punching some other guy out for calling Courtney Stodden “trash” and the guy explains “Look what’s she’s wearing Bro!” (Drink anytime anyone calls each other “bro!”) and to be honest, I think she may be wearing the outfit that came with my daughter’s super rare, limited edition “I’m a stripper because I’m paying my way through college” twelve-inch fashion doll. So yeah, there will be fighting or almost fighting. We should probably plan on also doing a shot any time someone threatens to punch someone.
Then the oh-so-caring celebrity therapist (Feigned concern coupled with behavior shaming? Drink!) asks of Doug “Why didn’t you say…. to her…. let’s wait… until you’re … twenty-one?” and we should probably drink again when we can almost see ellipses hovering in the air during a conversation for dramatic effect. And then Doug stokes Courtney Stodden on her knee all lecherously and replies: ” I didn’t want to” and Courtney makes her sexy baby wrinkled nose bunny face and we basically had to drink an entire bottle of booze during that one little exchange.
There are other “celebrities” who need to fix their themselves before they can fix their relationships featured on this VH1 reality show, people like Real Housewives Of New York stars Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen, R and B singer JoJo of K-Ci and JoJo, and his wife Tiny, rapper Too Short and his longtime girlfriend Monica Payne, and Bachelor star Shayne Lamas and her husband, Nik Richie. The only person I have ever heard of in this cast is Too Short so I’m starting to think maybe these aren’t really celebrities and are they are just normal people and OMG are we on this show too? Have we secretly been cast and we will also be having fistfights with Doug Hutchison and getting all upset about what clothing Courtney Stodden isn’t wearing? Is this real life?
This is a terrible drinking game and I’m sorry I let you talk me into playing it.