Love is about finding someone whose quirks compliment your own. In the best cases, a romantic partner can lift you up and help you to become your best self. In others, a couple’s weird quirks and dumb ideas can combine to create a Captain Planet-like being of extreme idiocy, with the power to perform acts of stupidity far beyond what either individual would have achieved on their own. That seems to be the case of a couple in Shanghai who stole a pair of endangered monkeys from a zoo, then kept them as pets and dressed them in little outfits.

According to Shanghaiist, a man and woman were caught this week when they were pulled over while driving. Police noticed the woman seemed to be hiding something. On closer inspection, they found a live pair of monkeys stuffed in her pants. The monkeys were wearing “cute” little costumes.

The couple hadn’t thought of a good excuse for being in possession of a pair of monkeys.

Eventually the couple must have realized they were caught. They couldn’t think of a good reason for why the woman had a pair of monkeys in her pants. So they finally just decided to tell the truth: The monkeys were stolen.

This all started when the couple visited the Sheshan National Forest Park back in August. While visiting the monkey enclosure, they saw some rhesus macaques. The monkeys are super cute, and the couple started talking about how great it would be to have them as pets. So far, everything was normal. But then the conversation went from “wouldn’t it be fun to have a pet monkey” to “we should actually steal some monkeys from this zoo.”

They used some food to lure the monkeys outside their cage. Then they caught them and took them home. Since then, the couple kept the baby monkeys as pets.

Please don’t steal endangered animals and dress them in costumes.

That was a terrible, terrible, terrible idea. Unqualified people should not be taking wild animals out of their habitats. Random people definitely should not be kidnapping endangered animals and dressing them in little outfits. Put some pirate hats on rescue kittens if you must, but endangered animals are not pets, and the local zoo is not a pick-and-mix stand.

The monkeys are a class-two protected species in China. The couple faces five to 10 years in prison, though Shanghaiist’s Alex Tang says a slap on the wrist seems more likely. The monkeys will go back to the monkey enclosure at the park.

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(Image: Wikimedia Commons / Jakub Halun)