We all know the real reason we take our kids trick-or-treating, right? So we can “inspect” the candy and pilfer all the good stuff for ourselves. Kids have enough candy, they don’t need ALL of it. It’s not our fault all of the full-size candy bars are “open” and therefore “dangerous”. This year, when you do your parental duty and scam the good Halloween candy off your kids, remember that kids don’t care what candy tastes like and won’t be mad when you leave them with the garbage treats. Here is all the Halloween candy they’ll get this year, ranked from best to absolute trash. Obviously these opinions are all my own, but they’re also right and true, so don’t @ me.

Image: Giphy

1. Any Full Size Halloween Candy

Everybody talking bout they dropping bars…. I’m dropping bars too! #CandyBars

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Finding a house that gives out full size candy is like finding the Holy Grail. Put that address in your phone, mark it on Google maps, and return every year.