Oh joy, it’s back to school shopping time. If you are like me, and have an elementary school-age daughter, you have all ready started comprising her back to school wardrobe or at least you are browsing children’s clothing retailers websites, donating too small items, and making a list of what you need to buy for the upcoming year. If you are also like me, you are gaping slack-jawed at some of the less than age appropriate offerings some of these retailers expect us to outfit the under 10 set in. But if you aren’t like me, and you aren’t scowling at mini one-shoulder zebra print sequin tops and low-rise colored skinny jeans, then lady, you need to be! Because if you are going to let your daughter dress like a Solid Gold dancer circa 1974, then my kid is going to want to do the same thing. And because I don’t let my daughter, this means I’m going to make up lies about your daughter so my daughter doesn’t want to copy your daughter and you don’t want me telling lies about your daughter, do you?

“Mom, how come Lucy gets to wear clothing from Justice? Why don’t you let me buy things from Justice?”

“Well, because .. See, Lucy, I think, has to shop at Justice because it’s the only store that has her size. She can’t wear anything else because one of her legs is slightly longer than the other one.”

How long can my lies go on! Because sometimes it’s not enough to tell your 7-year-old “Baby, we don’t buy stuff like that because in my house, the only people allowed to dress like a Vegas cocktail waitress are the ones who scoop the litter box.” For those of you unfamiliar with Justice, it’s a children’s retailer who states:

 “Our girl feels special when she walks into a Justice store. Crossing the threshold, she is immersed in an energetic environment where hottest fashion is brought to life. Justice stores are the destination of choice for tween girls across the country, and with good reason.

Our merchandise sets the trends that keep tween girls fashionable—and, even better, feeling self-confident.”

By selling the 7-12 set bedazzled shirts and sequin sweaters. And jeans that show the tops of their teensy Justice leopard print panties. Justice also carries a wide-array of girl bait like lip gloss, brightly colored clip-in hair extensions, adorable Japanese erasers shaped like cupcakes and kittens, and the occasional Monster High doll, which makes it utter catnip to any child.