shutterstock_132280757__1398180248_142.196.167.223Do you spend leisurely afternoons talking to your developing fetus, maybe playing her some music or watching the Discovery channel together? You’re doing it wrong. Get BabyPlus or get left behind. It’s a “prenatal curriculum” for your developing baby and it promises to give your child the “most intelligent” start possible.

BabyPlus is distinctly different from all other prenatal players, music or talking because only this approach has been tested for effectiveness and safety in clinically controlled studies by independent professional evaluators. Neither music, spoken material, tactile, nor multimodal methodologies meet these standards.

Does anyone understand this paragraph? I don’t. I probably would if BabyPlus had been invented in the seventies and my parents were the kind of people who would buy this stuff.

The BabyPlus curriculum is a series of 16 naturally derived sounds that resemble a mother’s heartbeat. The rhythm of the sounds increases incrementally as the pregnancy progresses. The BabyPlus sound patterns introduce your child to a sequential learning process, using the natural rhythms of their own environment.

When did we become so obsessed with breeding the most intelligent life-forms around? Can we all just chill out a little? What would happen if pregnant women were just pregnant and didn’t even think for a moment about a “prenatal curriculum?” Oh, I know – we would have the human race. The one we have now. That has a lot of geniuses in it, who probably weren’t schooled in the womb.

People play classical music for their children in the womb, they speak to them – maybe this isn’t too far off from that. It’s just the marketing that is a little creepy. Assuming all of the natural things you do to bond with your baby aren’t good enough weirds me out a little. So does using the word “curriculum” when speaking about a child who isn’t even born yet. But if it doesn’t creep you out, it’s $150 – buy one and you may birth the next Einstein. Or don’t, and just bring another idiot into the world like the rest of us.

(photo: Phil Jones/ Shutterstock)