I have so little to say about the importance of baby keepsakes. If you want a glimpse into my psyche, I still haven’t filled out my first son’s baby book, and he is almost two. At this point, I can confirm that I’m never going to do it, and I hope he enjoys the only thing written in his baby book—guest signatures from my baby shower. Oops.

So, you can probably guess that I’m not the type of person who would buy a gold-plated, diamond-studded rattle for thousands of dollars. The judgy part of me says that I would rather put that money to good use in my kid’s college fund, but then I laugh maniacally and remember that we don’t have one of those yet. I would probably just take the money and spend it on an upgrade on our beach condo for our family trip this summer—something totally impermanent that won’t need dusting on a shelf every year.

If you’re a fan of the baby keepsake, please convince me as to why I’m wrong. I’m open-minded. But as I search for baby keepsakes for all of my friends who are newly pregnant, I’m finding some of the creepiest shit evah. These baby mementos may seem cute to some, but they are probably going to give me nightmares tonight. Sorry, artisans, but…


1. Disgusting Baby Teeth Pendant.

2. Way Too Realistic Miniature Baby Sculpture.

3. Way Too Realistic Wooden Baby.


4. Frightening Fat Baby Hand Casting.

5. I-Don’t-Know-Why-This-Makes-Me-Uncomfortable Mom and Baby Hand Casting.


6. Way Too Permanent Baby Face Tattoo.


7. Enough-Already Baby Hair Necklace.

8. Barfy Baby Hair Message In A Bottle.

9. Unsettling Baby Hair Paperweight Orb.

10. Haunt-My-Dreams Baby Face Wall Art.

(Image: Gladskikh Tatiana/Shutterstock)