Author Archives: Valerie Williams

10 Things Pregnant Ladies Love To Hear

10 Things Pregnant Ladies Love To Hear

Pregnant ladies take a lot of crap and it’s awful because it’s during a time in life where a woman should only hear the good things. Your feet hurt, you’ve got crotch and boob sweat, you’re growing out of shirts left and right- this is a time where you need sunshine blown up your ass as much as possible, even if much if it is not true. You don’t want people asking if you are sure it’s not twins because you are so huge. You don’t want to hear from anyone that your face looks “different”. And you sure as hell don’t want to be stopped from rambling about all the fun baby stuff you have going on. More »

Open Thread: What Did Your Pregnant Boobs Look Like?

Open Thread: What Did Your Pregnant Boobs Look Like?

Ok, ya’ll- I am about to get very real with you about pregnant boobs. Namely, MY pregnant boobs, in the hopes that you will all share yours. I mean, I’m not going to flash you or anything but I am going to be very frank about what exactly they looked like toward the end of my pregnancies and I hope you will all do the same in this thread and we can all lol-cry at the sadness and hilarity of pregnant boobs. More »

10 Ways Working Moms Can Feel Closer To Their Kids

10 Ways Working Moms Can Feel Closer To Their Kids

When I went back to work, I was very concerned about how my relationship with my children would change. Having stayed at home with them for a few years, I knew them like the back of my hand and had become quite adept in all ways of caring for them. Thinking about how it would go as a working mom made me worry about whether the closeness we had would fade away over time as I let Momma Daycare take over. More »

Stop It Already With The Pinterest-Perfect First Birthday Smash Cakes

Stop It Already With The Pinterest-Perfect First Birthday Smash Cakes

For my first child’s first birthday, I made a shitty little box cake at home for her to “smash” and left the big cake to the professionals at Wegman’s bakery. By my second child’s first birthday, I felt that even that was unnecessary and just gave him a slice of the regular cake that I had ordered for the party. Just as adorbs and not at all expensive or a pain in the ass. I had decided it was super stupid to spend major coin (or a ton of my own time) on a cake solely for the purpose of tiny toddler fingers to mush it all up- that is a waste of perfectly good cake and makes my heart sad! Come on, ya’ll- the babies don’t deserve it! More »

Prince George Turns One And Is So Much Better At Baby-ing Than Your Baby

Prince George Turns One And Is So Much Better At Baby-ing Than Your Baby

Can it be?! Is the littlest and most stylish and perfect prince in the world really a whole year old already?! Why, it was only yesterday that I was standing in the lobby at work watching the Teevee awaiting the news of his blessed arrival and to find out his name and judge Kate Middleton’s post-partum body (duh). And I was not the only one who was excited-journalists camped out for days awaiting his royal emergence from his mom’s vag and now, on the anniversary of that day, E! Network ran a super amazing and fun-fact filled special called “Prince George Turns 1″. More »

Detoxing My Kids After Vacation In 8 Easy Steps

Detoxing My Kids After Vacation In 8 Easy Steps

My kids are currently zoned out on the TV while I write and I sit here twitching knowing the next week is going to be quite difficult because not only were we all off together last week, my husband was off the entire two weeks prior. That means that they have not had to be anywhere by 7:30am for three whole weeks and are now in several bad habits that must be broken quickly if I am to keep my working mom routine humming. More »

World’s Worst Babysitter Abandons Toddler At Hairdresser And Mother Is Now Fighting For Custody

World's Worst Babysitter Abandons Toddler At Hairdresser And Mother Is Now Fighting For Custody

When you leave your child with a babysitter, you likely have some expectations. Namely, that the babysitter will keep your child safe, clothed, fed, loved and even entertained during the time they are with them. I’m pretty sure that the last thing any parent expects when they leave their child with a babysitter is a battle to retain custody of their own kid. More »

I’m Proud My Kids Are Great Eaters But I Would Never Judge You For Your Picky Kid

I'm Proud My Kids Are Great Eaters But I Would Never Judge You For Your Picky Kid

As parents, we all have struggles in raising our kids. Anyone who says they do not struggle with parenting in some fashion is either delusional or lying. As a mother, I pride myself on my ability to see my kids and the way I parent them with completely clear vision. I know their flaws, I know their strengths and I know my own as well. I am the first one to point out when I have done something wrong in parenting and I am also the first to notice if my kids are acting a fool. That said, my kids are absolutely fabulous eaters but I would never judge you for your picky kid. More »

Eden Foods Wants To Deny Birth Control Coverage For Employees And Here We Go Again

Eden Foods Wants To Deny Birth Control Coverage For Employees And Here We Go Again

In the wake of the Hobby Lobby ruling, so many who supported them in their fight to not cover forms of birth control they believed to be abortifacients were shrieking about how it was not a big deal because Hobby Lobby was still covering other forms of birth control. The company’s lawsuit was specific to blocking coverage of Plan B (“The Morning After Pill”), Ella (another form of emergency contraception), copper IUD’s, and IUD’s with progestin, all in the name of their “sincerely held religious beliefs”. Hobby Lobby covers 16 other forms of birth control for it’s employees. Many of those who were against Hobby Lobby stated their concern that although it is good Hobby Lobby is still willing to cover all other forms of birth control that this decision by SCOTUS would set a precedent for other companies to take similar measures or to go to even bigger extremes in what they would attempt to deny their employees. More »

Don’t Call This 16-Year Old’s Tragically Ended Hidden Pregnancy A “Botched Home Birth”

Don't Call This 16-Year Old's Tragically Ended Hidden Pregnancy A "Botched Home Birth"

I had both of my babies via planned c-section. Even before finding out I would need a c-section with my first pregnancy I never would have considered home birth- the idea of it makes me nervous and I don’t live close enough to a hospital to feel comfortable if something were to go wrong. I am definitely one who prefers the reassurance of nurses everywhere and an OR close by for the worst case scenario. More »

It Is Obvious These 10 Nurseries Are Not Meant For Babies

It Is Obvious These 10 Nurseries Are Not Meant For Babies

And I suppose I get it- the baby doesn’t know any better so you may as well decorate to your heart’s content but the fact is, your baby will eventually be a child and children like things meant for them. They will not appreciate the $400 ottoman made of white minky fabric that you commissioned from a local furniture designer. They will give exactly zero shits about that fancy crib bedding you had made with custom fabrics that took weeks to select. They will laugh in the face of the elaborate shit you’ve hung on the wall above the crib as they rip it down once they learn to pull up. It will be a graphic first lesson in how kid’s take your dreams and literally shred them to bits! More »