Author Archives: Blisstree

Promise You’ll Never Ever Go In A Tanning Bed Again

Promise Youâll Never Ever Go In A Tanning Bed Again

Tanning beds, like cigarettes, are dangerous and everyone knows it, yet some people still indulge because tans are sexy and because they can. We are constantly hearing statistics about cancer, yet people still get naked in artificial sun sarcophagi like they’re somehow invincible. Disregarding statistics is understandable because numbers are mostly boring, but personal accounts of horror stories induced by risky choices are far more persuasive. I’ve never been in a tanning bed and I never planned on going in one, but I just read about this woman who developed a rare form of eye cancer from reckless tanning bed use and now I sort of hope those death traps get banned. More »

‘Angelina Effect’ Is The Only Celebrity Trend To Ever Save People’s Lives

âAngelina Effectâ Is The Only Celebrity Trend To Ever Save Peopleâs Lives

Rejoice! Apparently Angelina Jolie’s choice to have a preventative double mastectomy in February of last year has set a trend for other women to consider the procedure. More preventative double mastectomies means more women who are genetically predisposed to breast cancer’s lives will be saved. Who’d have thought that celebrities weren’t just put on this Earth to make us feel crummy about our disgusting unphotoshopped bodies? More »

25 Foods That Can Be Used As Dildos In A Pinch

25 Foods That Can Be Used As Dildos In A Pinch

Do you ever have the urge to masturbate or just shove something in your vagina, but you don’t have your trusty vibrator or dildo on hand? Girl, we’ve all been there. When you’re in that kind of tough spot, all you have to do is improvise. The world is full of phallic objects just ripe for use as masturbating tools. If you’re not feeling particularly creative, we did the work for you.

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How To Workout Without Getting Off Of Your Butt

How To Workout Without Getting Off Of Your Butt

Sometimes you want to workout a little bit, but standing up seems like kind of a hassle. Maybe you’re at work and want to sneakily exercise, maybe have a leg injury or maybe you’re just lazy–it really doesn’t matter. You don’t have to explain yourself to me and you definitely don’t have to get off your caboose. Pull up a chair and stay awhile. Let’s burn some calories while sitting on our butts. More »

Drunk Brunch Is Illegal In NYC, City Reverts To Prohibition Era Madness

Drunk Brunch Is Illegal In NYC, City Reverts To Prohibition Era Madness

I have a long-running joke with myself that if I had a nickname that would be used in quotation marks as my middle name in something like my obituary or embroidered in cursive on my mechanic’s uniform, I’d want it to be “bottomless mimosas.” Joanna “Bottomless Mimosas” Rafael bubbles right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Well, it does after a few flutes of juice mixed with champagne. Too bad my self-imposed moniker is illegal. It was never going to catch on anyway.

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10 Condom Commercials That Will Make You Cringe

10 Condom Commercials That Will Make You Cringe

Trying to sell condoms is a tough business. They’re a sex-item, but also a safety tool. They need to seem sexy, but can’t be too sexy. Contraceptive advertisements have to walk the line between erotic and protective while trying to sell something that no one really wants to use. I know that’s not the best thing to say, but it’s true. Don’t get me wrong– people should be practicing safe sex and wearing condoms, but they don’t really want to except to protect from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

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A Good Poop Can Cause A Great Orgasm & Other Crappy Facts About “Poo-Phoria”

A Good Poop Can Cause A Great Orgasm & Other Crappy Facts About âPoo-Phoriaâ

I love to be crass, but it usually takes a lot for me to talk about bowel movements. I’m not usually one for scatological humor, but when the right opportunity strikes, I’m all for it. That’s why this “poo-phoria” business I’ve seen floating about the internet piqued my twisted interest. “What is poo-phoria?” You ask. Well, it’s a portmanteau combining poo and euphoria. Have you ever had a bowel movement that felt like “like a religious experience or an orgasm?” That’s poo-phoria and a Princeton doctor has figured out why it happens. More »

Even Sabrina The Teenage Witch Had To Get High Before Going To The Playboy Mansion

Even Sabrina The Teenage Witch Had To Get High Before Going To The Playboy Mansion

We may have thought that Melissa Joan Hart was a good girl, but that whole thing was an illusion. Melissa Joan Hart tells Giuliana Rancic in an E! interview (airing tonight) that it’s not that she “wasn’t a bad girl. It’s that I never got caught.” Hart, who now owns an adorable sweet shoppe in Sherman Oaks, has done drugs, people. Drugs. Sound the dinner alarms because Joan Hart is about to dish (that was my attempt at RuPaul style wit and I sorely failed, but let me have this one. For President’s day.) More »

10 Creative Ways To Make Hot Chocolate At Home

10 Creative Ways To Make Hot Chocolate At Home

Those idiot groundhogs damned us to a long winter, so instead of getting to slip off our mittens and sip on iced coffee, we have to suffer through more snow storms and hot beverages. In order to make the best of this hellacious never-ending Hoth planet, we have to keep cozy at all costs. Snuggle up to your loved ones, put your comfiest sweater on and sip on some hot chocolate, we’re going to be indoors for awhile. More »