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The More Bradley Cooper Defends Living With His Mom, The More I Want To Be Their 3rd Roommate

The More Bradley Cooper Defends Living With His Mom, The More I Want To Be Their 3rd Roommate

As any loyal Crushable-reader/Bradley-Cooper-Stalker knows, the acclaimed actor lives with his mother. And not in some kind of creepy Lucille & Buster Bluth way, but in a totally normal and healthy way. Yet for some reason Bradley Cooper got put on the defensive last night when Jay Leno acted like this must be some major deterrant to bringing home ladies on The Tonight Show last night.

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Jaden Not Getting Emancipated, Will Has No Idea How We Misinterpreted His Direct Quote

Jaden Not Getting Emancipated, Will Has No Idea How We Misinterpreted His Direct Quote

Remember yesterday when I told you that Jaden Smith wanted to get emancipated from his parents Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith? Well don’t be ridiculous because THAT SHIT IS HILARIOUS. No but seriously, what a funny joke! I can’t imagine where you came up with that, because it is such a bag of cold malarkey. What a funny joke, that fifteen year old Jaden would want to leave his family’s house, where everything is free and/or dipped in gold, and go live on his own in a world where things cost money and/or are only dipped in silver. THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS. So ridiculous, in fact, that Will couldn’t stop laughing at the concept when he and Jaden went on The Ellen Show to promote their new and hotly-anticipated (by them) movie After Earth. Actually, no. In the interest of specificity, I shouldn’t say ‘laughing’, because that’s not the right word. I think what I meant was ‘guffawing’. The man can’t stop won’t stop guffawing. GUH. FAW. ING. Enjoy. More »

Selena Gomez Sweetly Chooses Mother’s Day To Reveal That Her Mom Is Pregnant

Selena Gomez Sweetly Chooses Motherâs Day To Reveal That Her Mom Is Pregnant

Last night in the midst of Mother’s Day celebrations, Selena Gomez decided to reveal some big news in her family’s life. Her mother Mandy Teefey is reportedly pregnant. Selena shared the news with her fans on Twitter last night by posting a sweet photo of her and her mother in which she’s touching what appears to be her mother’s baby bump, adding the heartfelt message: “Hope all the amazing moms had a great day! I have the best momma in the world ) I love you so much!”
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Khloe Kardashian Loves Her Mom, But Also Thinks She’s The Worst

Khloe Kardashian Loves Her Mom, But Also Thinks Sheâs The Worst

Happy almost Mother’s Day from one of the most confusing celebrity mother-daughter pairs around: Khloe Kardashian and Kris Jenner! Every interview that Khloe gives about Kris gets me more confused, because she starts out saying how much she respects her mom, and regrets ever giving her shit back in the day, and then by the end of the article she’s saying how she’ll do things completely differently when she’s a parent herself, because Kris Jenner is bad and wrong and constantly made her feel terrible. Para examplay, in the June issue of Cosmopolitan UK, here’s how Khloe starts out her interview for their cover story.
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Merida Becomes Disney’s First Single Princess, Proving That Even Spinsters Can Sell Merchandise

Merida Becomes Disneyâs First Single Princess, Proving That Even Spinsters Can Sell Merchandise

I almost got pregnant and gave birth to a daughter after seeing Brave in theaters last year because I was so excited to see an animated film about a heroine who was more about gaining her independence than waiting around like some kind of lame damsel in distress. I seriously left the theater regretting the fact that I had no daughter to discuss the many lessons of the movies with after seeing it. How refreshing to see a movie for children that’s about growing up and not giving it up. “It” being a euphemism for oh so many things. Then I ate a whole pack of my birth control because one time I heard Oprah talk about The Secret and I didn’t want to take any chances.

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This Is Just A Photo Of David Beckham With His Daughter That Will Make Your Ovaries Explode

This Is Just A Photo Of David Beckham With His Daughter That Will Make Your Ovaries Explode

Were you looking to get rid of your ovaries this morning? Melt your heart into glitter? Turn you brain into a biological clock? Yes to all of the above? Great! Then take a good look at this absolutely adorable photo of David Beckham kissing his baby daughter Harper Beckham. It’s maybe the best photo on the interweb today. Maybe. It’s still early and anything can still happen. Perhaps a photo of a duck raising a puppy alongside her ducklings? Or maybe a photo of Jason Segel walking a litter of golden retriever puppies dressed in pajamas. Either of those would definitely be in the running alongside this one for best photo on the interweb today.
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Beyonce Tells Blue Ivy She Can Be President, Which Would Be Cocky If It Wasn’t True

Beyonce Tells Blue Ivy She Can Be President, Which Would Be Cocky If It Wasnât True

Just mere moments ago I rode a roller coaster of emotions that I’m still reeling from that’s all due to the prospect of a Blue Ivy Presidency. You see, I watched this new star-filled video featuring some of today’s most powerful women in showbiz called “Chime for Change: It’s Possible.” It features women we know and love like Katy Perry, Salma Hayek and Beyonce. They’re promoting a charity concert in June called the Sound of Change that’s all about getting girls access to education, heath and justice. You know, all those good things that every single person on earth deserves.
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Dear Lord Of Pop Music In The Sky, Please Let Rihanna Not Be Pregnant

Dear Lord Of Pop Music In The Sky, Please Let Rihanna Not Be Pregnant

Oh dear dear lord, please forgive me for taking your name in vain and refusing to believe in you and all those times I had premarital sex and just do me this one favor, won’t you please? There’s a rumor going around that Rihanna is pregnant with Chris Brown‘s baby, and I would just be the happiest little heathen in the whole wide world if that turned out not to be the case. See the thing is, Rihanna keeps canceling concert dates on her tour, and she’s being real shady about letting us know why. Supposedly it’s a throat infection, but it’s been going on for like a month, so speculation is getting pretty rife that it’s something more — like a BABY.
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Just When Bradley Cooper Couldn’t Get More Adorable, Turns Out He Lives With His Mom

Just When Bradley Cooper Couldnât Get More Adorable, Turns Out He Lives With His Mom

f Bradley Cooper is plotting a careful and studied campaign to be the most adorable man in Hollywood, then he deserves congratulating, because he is doing a bang-up job. His first step was obviously to be incredibly dashing and talented, which he executed masterfully — no complaints here. But his follow-up steps have been so dazzlingly elaborate that I’m finding myself a little dizzy. For one thing, he brought his mom as his date to the Oscars, which is a surefire way to make every lady in this great nation of ours to utter a collective “awwwwww”. He’s so close to his family that his relationship with his father (who sadly died of cancer in 2011) gave him perspective on the important things in life — to the point that he’s not even hung up on potentially winning an Oscar one day. He’s also, like, besties with Jennifer Lawrence, which is the cutest and most jealousy-inducing thing ever. And now, in just another piece of the puzzle, he tells us that he actually lives with his mom.
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Amanda Bynes’ Parents Finally Respond…To A Quote From A Kardashian

Amanda Bynesâ Parents Finally Respondâ¦To A Quote From A Kardashian

After weeks of me and the rest of the media wondering openly where they are, I’m hearing tell that Amanda Bynes‘ parents have finally sat up and taken notice about something. Oh, thank god, what a relief. At long last, someone has arrived on this coast to get this girl some help. What was it that finally piqued their interest, may I ask? Was it Amanda tweeting that she wanted her vagina murdered? Or saying she had an eating disorder? Or getting kicked out of multiple gym classes? NOPE. It was a comment…by Kim Kardashian.
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Kids Reading Kelly Oxford’s Tweets Will Make Your Day, Even If The Name Kelly Oxford Confuses You

Kids Reading Kelly Oxfordâs Tweets Will Make Your Day, Even If The Name Kelly Oxford Confuses You

Before we dive into this amazing Jimmy Kimmel video, let’s talk for a hot sec about Kelly Oxford. She’s a super funny Internet celebrity who rose to fame for her hilarious tweets. If you’ve somehow never heard of her before, it’s okay, just like follow her on Twitter now — and don’t tell anyone that you took so long to do it. Doing so would be the equivalent of walking into a party and asking everyone what happened to that girl who starred in the cross-dressing soccer movie She’s the Man.

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Channing And Jenna Are Acting So Nonchalant About Their Baby That Might Forget To Give It A Weird Name

Channing And Jenna Are Acting So Nonchalant About Their Baby That Might Forget To Give It A Weird Name

Okay, so this is odd, but I think Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum forgot that they’re famous. There’s no other explanation for how likable they’re coming off in all their post-pregnancy-announcement interviews. How such an attractive couple forgot they were famous, I don’t know. I’m not a scientist. I’m just an award-winning journalist who’s gotten nominated for no less than 14 Pulitzer Prizes (and one Tony by accident).
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