Author Archives: STFU Parents

STFU Parents: The 9 Types Of Outraged Parents You’ll Find On The Disney Store’s Facebook Page

STFU Parents: The 9 Types Of Outraged Parents You'll Find On The Disney Store's Facebook Page

After a flurry of press, you may have read the very important news that some parents are flipping out over the shortage of “Frozen” merchandise on the Disney Store Facebook page. As a person with specialized skills in observing crazy parents on Facebook, I spent some time sifting through the madness to reveal the depths of the months-long outrage. More »

STFU Parents: The Various Ways To Announce You’re Pregnant On Facebook, Part II

STFU Parents: The Various Ways To Announce You're Pregnant On Facebook, Part II

If there’s one thing most parents can agree on in 2014, it’s the importance of an artfully crafted pregnancy announcement on Facebook. When I first tackled this unavoidable subject two years ago, we saw examples like the ever-popular Prego spaghetti sauce announcement (which still makes no sense), and talked about whether a person can have “too many” sonogram pictures on her page (answer: yes). Since then, the thought and effort that parents-to-be put into their pregnancy announcements has managed to ramp up on social platforms, because you can never have too much of a good thing. More »

STFU Parents: Bridging The Overshare Gender Gap: Daddyjacking Is A Thing

STFU Parents: Bridging The Overshare Gender Gap: Daddyjacking Is A Thing

One of the few qualms I have about running STFU, Parents is that mothers of young children tend to “overshare” (and use Facebook) much more than fathers do. This isn’t a problem, per se, but many of the words I use to describe different “types” of oversharers are a play on the word “mom,” which makes the words appear hyper-feminine and applicable only to mothers. More »

STFU Parents: Six Foods Ruined By Parents On Facebook

STFU Parents: Six Foods Ruined By Parents On Facebook

A couple of weeks ago, a tasty new food craze swept the nation. Well, it’s not exactly available to purchase at the supermarket or in any restaurants yet, but I think it’s still fair to say that baby poop sausage raised the eyebrows and churned the stomachs of millions when it was first reported. As a reminder, the report going around (like a disgusting disease) described the sausage scenario (sausenario?) thusly: “Using three strains of probiotic bacteria isolated from the dirty diapers, the investigators cooked up several batches of pork that resembled a type of fermented Mediterranean sausage known as feut.” In other words: YUM. More »

STFU Parents: Woe Is Mom: Daylight Saving Time Edition

STFU Parents: Woe Is Mom: Daylight Saving Time Edition

Twice a year, I receive a variety of “woe is mom”-like submissions about DST (daylight saving time / daylight standard time). But unlike the other two occasions a year that parents complain about a temporary annoyance (fireworks during the Fourth of July and/or New Year’s Eve), I can actually sympathize with parents who think that daylight saving time is a tired old tradition that makes everyone cranky. Most people seem to agree on this sentiment, especially considering the original purpose of DST was to reduce energy usage, and today “the actual effect on overall energy use is heavily disputed.” It’s helpful to get an extension of daylight, of course, but sleep disruptions can be a nuisance, and shifting just one hour can cause a surprising amount of frustration. More »

STFU Parents: How The Olympics Have Inspired Parents On Facebook

STFU Parents: How The Olympics Have Inspired Parents On Facebook

With the 2014 Winter Olympics soon drawing to a close, I felt a surge of inspiration to compile the incredibly boring ways that moms talk about the Games on social media whenever the multi-sport events are held (which is seemingly every year now — score!). It was nearly two short years ago that I wrote a similar recap of responses to the 2012 Summer Olympics, and now here we are again, cheering for our country’s team and re-discovering the stalest joke in America — that moms, too, are one version of Olympian. More »

STFU Parents: Parent Parking Spaces: To Park Or Not To Park?

STFU Parents: Parent Parking Spaces: To Park Or Not To Park?

First and foremost, in the U.S. it is not illegal to park in these spaces if you don’t have a child, as opposed to parking in spaces that are reserved for people with a disability, which IS illegal. Most people remember a time — decades, in fact! — that the courtesy parent parking spaces didn’t even exist. Parents of an older generation will tell younger parents to stop being so precious, to park farther away from the store entrance if they must, and to generally stop acting so entitled about something as absurd as parking. (Perhaps the definition of “first world problems.”) More »

STFU Parents: What Mothers Are Worth According To Facebook

STFU Parents: What Mothers Are Worth According To Facebook

Salary.com recently revealed its annual “mom reports,” which helpfully break down what stay-at-home moms and working moms are “worth” in the United States. The interesting thing about these reports is the way that emotional value gets implicitly tacked on to help back up the (fake) financial assessments. This is kind of like saying, “Sure, licensed therapists are great and all, but who can help you get over a crushing break-up like your very own mom?” It’s no secret that mothers are undervalued., but considering the real issues that exist in this country — a broken health care system, lack of universal daycare, no paid parental leave in the workplace — these infographics increasingly come across as jokes. More »

STFU Parents: Facebook Moms Who Think Their Baby’s Poop Smells Good

STFU Parents: Facebook  Moms Who Think Their Baby's Poop Smells Good

We’ve all heard the expression, “You think your shit don’t stink,” delivered metaphorically, but did you know this foul idiom actually applies to some parents literally? Yes, there’s a small-to-medium-sized crap-happy subset of parents out there who not only pleasantly sniff the aroma of their baby’s poop, but remark upon its sweet fragrance on Facebook. More »

STFU Parents: Who’s More Annoying In Restaurants: Babies, Or Their Parents?

STFU Parents: Who's More Annoying In Restaurants: Babies, Or Their Parents?

This week, a significant amount of media attention was paid to the story about the couple that brought their baby to a high-end restaurant after their sitter canceled. The restaurant, Alinea, is fish-heads-on-a-platter upscale dining and requires pre-purchasing tickets that cost $470 for two. If you ask me, that already sounds like it could be a recipe for “dining with assholes,” which might explain why the parents opted to bring along their baby rather than cancel the reservation and potentially forego the $470. When you’re spending close to $500 on food before figuring in alcohol, tax, and tip, you’re already a calibre of person who may or may not think the world is his oyster. Or fish head, or whatever. More »

STFU Parents: Live-Posting Labor And Delivery Is Just An Exercise In Narcissism

STFU Parents: Live-Posting Labor And Delivery Is Just An Exercise In Narcissism

The title of a popular post that went up on Huffington Post this week reads ‘New Mom’s Uncensored Photos Reveal The Beautiful, Messy Reality Of Home Birth.’ Before reading through the numerous status updates detailing her labor and delivery, I already knew what this new mom, Ruth Iorio, had written. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that every woman who’s given birth has had a unique experience. No two births are exactly the same, like snowflakes or jelly-filled doughnuts (some doughnuts have WAY more jelly, you know what I’m talking about). More »