Author Archives: STFU Parents

STFU Parents: Parents Who Get Explosively Angry About Fourth Of July Fireworks Need To Chill

STFU Parents: Parents Who Get Explosively Angry About Fourth Of July Fireworks Need To Chill

Last year, I wrote a¬†Fourth of July column¬†advising parents not to overreact to predictably loud and annoying holiday fireworks by complaining profusely on Facebook. No one listened to me. Granted, it could be because parents’ ears were punctured and rendered useless by the cries of their sleeping babies, barks of their dogs, and repeated booms outside their bedroom windows — but let’s be honest here: We are a nation that doesn’t live in a war zone (where I imagine that children’s sleeping patterns aren’t exactly top priority), and beyond that, we are a nation¬†that loves guns, which also make loud booms and also happen to kill people every single day of the year. There’s an irony to people complaining quite vocally, and angrily, about loud fireworks, when we actually have far more restrictions against setting off fireworks in the United States than we do against owning guns. More »

STFU Parents: The Horror And Hilarity Of Couples’ Maternity Photo Shoots On Facebook

STFU Parents: The Horror And Hilarity Of Couples' Maternity Photo Shoots On Facebook

Like a woman who gives birth¬†once a year, it’s time for my¬†3rd annual¬†WTF maternity pics round-up. In the past, we’ve seen¬†showy examples ranging from “basic” (painted bellies, heart hands, belly kisses) to¬†“boudoir/pin-up/goddess/angel-style”¬†(weird chiffon, close-ups, artsy angles, on the bed, wearing bad underwear, nude/semi-nude/in the bath/omg my eyes/why/why/why) — and yet each year, I still feel like some pregnancy belly submissions have been left unturned. More »

STFU Parents: First Periods, Armpit Hairs, And Other Topics Parents Shouldn’t Share About Their Teen Kids On Facebook

STFU Parents:  First Periods, Armpit Hairs, And Other Topics Parents Shouldn't Share About Their Teen Kids On Facebook

This week, Hello Flo surfed a very high¬†crimson wave¬†with its new commercial¬†“First Moon Party,”¬†which has racked up more than six million views in just three days (so far). Aside from being extremely entertaining, the (period) spot got me thinking about how parents don’t really stop oversharing once their baby becomes a toddler, or once their first grader enters junior high. For parents who love sharing information about their children, no age is “too old,” and no information is “too private,” especially on sites like Facebook which have become ground zero for overshare. If a kid hits a new milestone, be it “first steps” or “first pubic hairs,” for many parents the immediate reaction is to praise the child on the internet. More »

STFU Parents: Happy Father’s Day To Funny Dads On Facebook

STFU Parents: Happy Father's Day To Funny Dads On Facebook

In case you haven’t been reading the internet or noticing the signs in every single retail outlet across America¬†and beyond, Father’s Day is¬†this Sunday! Go, dads! In honor of this very important Day of Dad — the day in which we all try to come up with stuff that dads like aside from grilling, golfing, drinking beer, and wearing socks — I’ve chosen to go the celebratory route for the¬†third¬†year¬†in a row. Sure, I could write a column about¬†deadbeat¬†dads¬†and point out how many single mothers use Father’s Day as an opportunity to¬†trash their kids’ father(s)¬†on social media, but you know, that’s not nearly as fun as giving props to funny dads who have earned¬†Gold Stars. More »

STFU Parents: Moms, Modesty, And Lady Shaming On Facebook

STFU Parents: Moms, Modesty, And Lady Shaming On Facebook

Over the years, I’ve learned that a consequence of raising awareness of certain issues, especially issues surrounding gender and sexuality, is backlash to what is perceived as “overload.” The chorus of voices that unite to challenge the status quo can sometimes be heard “too loudly.” In other words, it’s fine for people to fight their battles, but don’t fight too much or it’s annoying. A good example of this effect might be the #YesAllWomen campaign, which both widened the conversation about gender equality and societal treatment of women,¬†and¬†repelled some people because of its sudden ubiquity on social media and in the news. Pervasive discussion about certain subjects can overwhelm people, or at least their social media feeds, and does occasionally come off as mere¬†slacktivism. More »

STFU Parents: The Future Of Baby Names Is Increasingly Yoonique

STFU Parents: The Future Of Baby Names Is Increasingly Yoonique

It’s that time of the year again! The Social Security Administration recently released its comprehensive list of baby names for 2013, and the consensus is that¬†yoonique names¬†have continued — and will continue — their rise to¬†baby name¬†domination. Sure, the Emmas, Avas, Liams, and Jacobs aren’t going anywhere, but more parents seem to be looking around and saying to themselves, “You know what this world needs? More human children named after fantasy/sci-fi/animated characters. Or obscure towns or cities, but spelled with different letters. Or just a sacred word like “Angel” spelled backwards. More »

STFU Parents: Parents Who Can’t Get Over Their Children’s Impressive Crap

STFU Parents: Parents Who Can't Get Over Their Children's Impressive Crap

“Everybody poops,” as the old 16th century saying goes, and nowhere online¬†is that fact more apparent than on Facebook. Over the years, a common reader response to poop posts on¬†STFU, Parents¬†is, “Gee, I wonder what would happen if *I* described or posted pictures of my large bowel movements to my friends, relatives, and colleagues on Facebook?!” For parents, a baby’s regular evacuation is a joyous thing, and particularly¬†sizable dumps¬†are¬†momentous occasions. But for their friends, the information comes across as nearly the same as it would if the parents themselves had announced their own poop adventures. Poop is poop. More »

STFU Parents:Being A Mother Is The Toughest Job In The World. We Know.

STFU Parents:Being A Mother Is The Toughest Job In The World. We Know.

Over at¬†STFU, Parents, I regularly hear from mothers who share a common gripe. They’re sick of being pandered to. They’ve heard enough about how hard and unforgiving their “jobs” are as parents. And yet everywhere they turn, advertisers are throwing roses at their feet in the hopes of scoring all that precious Mom Money that executives talk about during brainstorms in conference rooms. “Who’s the number one target?” Moms. (A lot.) “How do we reach moms?” Well, first you exalt them and tell them that they have the hardest, most thankless job in the entire world, and then you sit back and watch the magic happen on social media! More »

STFU Parents: The 9 Types Of Outraged Parents You’ll Find On The Disney Store’s Facebook Page

STFU Parents: The 9 Types Of Outraged Parents You'll Find On The Disney Store's Facebook Page

After a flurry of press, you may have¬†read¬†the¬†very¬†important¬†news¬†that some parents are flipping out over the shortage of “Frozen” merchandise on the¬†Disney Store Facebook page. As a person with specialized skills in observing crazy parents on Facebook, I spent some time sifting through the madness to reveal the depths of the months-long outrage. More »

STFU Parents: The Various Ways To Announce You’re Pregnant On Facebook, Part II

STFU Parents: The Various Ways To Announce You're Pregnant On Facebook, Part II

If there’s one thing most parents can agree on in 2014, it’s the importance of an artfully crafted pregnancy announcement on Facebook. When I first tackled this unavoidable subject¬†two years ago, we saw examples like the ever-popular Prego spaghetti sauce announcement (which still¬†makes no sense), and talked about whether a person can have “too many” sonogram pictures on her page (answer: yes). Since then, the thought and effort that parents-to-be put into their¬†pregnancy announcements¬†has managed to ramp up on social platforms, because you can never have too much of a good thing. More »

STFU Parents: Bridging The Overshare Gender Gap: Daddyjacking Is A Thing

STFU Parents: Bridging The Overshare Gender Gap: Daddyjacking Is A Thing

One of the few qualms I have about running¬†STFU, Parents¬†is that mothers of young children tend to “overshare” (and use Facebook) much more than fathers do. This isn’t a problem, per se, but many of the words I use to describe different “types” of oversharers are a play on the word “mom,” which makes the words appear hyper-feminine and applicable only to mothers. More »

STFU Parents: Six Foods Ruined By Parents On Facebook

STFU Parents: Six Foods Ruined By Parents On Facebook

A couple of weeks ago, a tasty new food craze swept the nation. Well, it’s not exactly available to purchase at the supermarket or in any restaurants¬†yet, but I think it’s still fair to say that baby poop sausage raised the eyebrows and churned the stomachs of millions when it was first reported. As a reminder, the report going around (like a disgusting disease)¬†described¬†the sausage scenario (sausenario?) thusly: “Using three strains of probiotic bacteria isolated from the dirty diapers, the investigators cooked up several batches of pork that resembled a type of fermented Mediterranean sausage known as feut.” In other words: YUM. More »