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STFU Parents: On Crushing Children’s Spirits — And Their Parents’ Spirits, Too

STFU Parents: On Crushing Children's Spirits -- And Their Parents' Spirits, Too

If you’ve ever heard the expression “crushing children’s spirits” and rolled your eyes, then today’s column is for you! (Conversely, if your response to that expression is, “Hear hear!”, then today’s column will probably piss you off.) It’s no secret that watching a child experience disappointment can be harder on the parents than on the child, because children represent all that is pure and innocent. Kids don’t know the cold realities that lay ahead; they’re just taking in the world through a neon green swizzle straw! But the fact is, kids will experience disappointment in the real world, and their parents can’t protect them forever.
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STFU Parents: Happy Mother’s Day To Gold Star Moms

STFU Parents: Happy Mother's Day To Gold Star Moms

Happy early Mother’s Day, everyone! To help celebrate the official day people give thanks to their moms (as opposed to every other day of the year when you can treat your mom like total garbage — KIDDING!), I’m handing out Gold Stars like they’re candy. These moms have earned it! It takes a special kind of person to write about the ups and downs of parenting via quirky status updates that read as pure entertainment. Sure, it’d be easy to focus on the weight of a parent’s job — to keep kids fed, to mold minds and prepare little ones to survive in the world one day on their own — but thankfully, many people take a different approach to Facebook that’s far more fun to read. More »

STFU Parents: 5 Ways Parents Birthdayjack Their Friends On Facebook

STFU Parents: 5 Ways Parents Birthdayjack Their Friends On Facebook

We already know that mommyjacking is a habitual and evolving trend, with offending parents hijacking their friends’ status updates to mention something about their kids at every possible opportunity. Mommyjackers are know-it-alls, bubble bursters, one-uppers, and career scolders, and they love nothing more than finding a way to shine the spotlight on themselves or their kids. So it makes sense that birthdayjacking is such a common practice, particularly if someone is lucky enough to share to a birthday with a mommyjacker’s child. More »

STFU Parents: When ‘It Takes A Village’ Includes Baby Fundraising On Facebook

STFU Parents: When 'It Takes A Village' Includes Baby Fundraising On Facebook

This is a new-ish trend, brought about by the success of Kickstarter and other fundraisers on sites like Go Fund Me or Indiegogo. Those sites have had their share of criticism when popular, but perhaps frivolous, campaigns raise well over $1 million when other, less flashy campaigns struggle to reach their limits and serve a more serious purpose (like, say, a campaign to raise funds for teachers to buy school supplies).

That said, nothing comes close to parents using these platforms to raise funds to help them have or adopt a baby. The concept has some moral implications that raise the question, “What about this feels so…wrong?” It’s one of those occasions that the definition of “overshare” is relatively broad, because charity can apply to so many things. More »

STFU Parents: How (Not) To Talk About The Boston Bombings On Facebook

STFU Parents: How (Not) To Talk About The Boston Bombings On Facebook

One reason people overshare is because they’re eager to get out their thoughts and be part of the conversation. But sometimes, it can be better to keep thoughts on certain subjects separate. For instance, every year on the anniversary of the September 11th attacks, STFU, Parents receives a series of submissions that say things like, “9/11. Never forget. Oh yeah, and Ella crawled today!”, which sort of reduce patriotic sentiments into sound bites. And every time something awful happens, instead of just saying, “My thoughts are with the victims and their families,” some parents include additional information about their kids that seems to divert the attention from the news item to little Braedyn being a cutie pie. And I guess I just don’t get that. More »

STFU Parents: When It’s NOT Okay To Share Pictures Of Your Crying Kids

STFU Parents: When It's NOT Okay To Share Pictures Of Your Crying Kids

Today’s column is the 100th I’ve written for Mommyish, so it’s fitting that it be a response to something “viral” on the Internet. After all, the STFU, Parents blog, book, and this very column exist because of online parenting trends. And this week, if there was one parenting-related item that got everrrrybody talking, it was the Tumblr blog Reasons My Son Is Crying. More »

STFU Parents: 8 Examples Of What You’ll Learn From The STFU, Parents Book

STFU Parents: 8 Examples Of What You'll Learn From The STFU, Parents Book

At long last, this week the STFU, Parents book finally showed itself to the world! After a long road from conception to birth, I’m pleased to announce that I am officially with child book. And I’d love for you funny and insightful Mommyish readers to pick up a copy! But, just to make it a little more enticing, I’ve put together a collection of brand new submissions that each represent a different category of overshare in the book. I’ve only highlighted eight of the 34 different types of overshare that are covered, but these eight represent what I consider to be the foundational elements that helped to inspire both the blog and its subsequent “sibling” — the book.
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STFU Parents: The 5 Types Of Easter Updates On Facebook

STFU Parents: The 5 Types Of Easter Updates On Facebook

Happy early Easter, everyone! Well, not everyone, as I myself am Jewish, but hey, I’m not afraid to partake in a little chocolate bunny-gorging. I can appreciate the appeal of forcing your child to sit on a grown man-in-a-bunny-suit’s lap (although phrased in that way, it does sound a little weird, right?). I also understand the entertainment value of watching toddlers trip over themselves to collect Easter eggs, because really, there should be WAY more competitive events that involve collecting edible gifts off expansive, manicured lawns. I wouldn’t mind participating in an adult version of this, in which eggs are filled with money, jewelry, and sedatives. But that’s a hunt for another day! Today, we celebrate Easter and its importance in many a child’s life. More »

STFU Parents: Parents Who Freak Out About Baby Names On Facebook

STFU Parents: Parents Who Freak Out About Baby Names On Facebook

We’ve discussed parents’ yoonique baby name choices in this column several times before, but one thing we haven’t discussed is all the drama surrounding those choices. Did you know that baby name-stealing is a modern day tragedy of mammoth proportions? Well, it is. It’s a tragic epidemic that’s spiraling out of control. Hide yo names, hide yo wives, ’cause bitches be stealing. And if they’re not stealing, then they’re doing something else to anger parents, like mispronouncing little Jhykcen (pronounced “Jackson”) or Espn’s first names, or making up cute little nicknames for children that were NOT Parent Authorized. There’s more to today’s baby names than meets the eye. More »

STFU Parents: How Not To Act With Your Child In Public, As Told By Parents On Facebook

STFU Parents: How Not To Act With Your Child In Public, As Told By Parents On Facebook

I’m one of those people who really doesn’t care if a crying baby gets on my plane or sits behind me at a restaurant (unless the restaurant is so upscale that I wore a nice dress). I can drown out noises that happen because of human nature. What I can’t drown out, however, and what I refuse to tolerate are parents who allow their children to throw food, tantrums, or run all over the place without supervision. You know who I’m talking about. The parents who think the world is their changing table, and throw dirty diapers at drivers they don’t like. The parents who act like the rest of civilization is the problem, certainly not them. More »

STFU Parents: The 5 Types Of Sanctimommies On Facebook

STFU Parents: The 5 Types Of Sanctimommies On Facebook

The word “sanctimommy” has become popularized in recent years due to the fact that more parents are indulging in their “sassy side.” You know how success is often defined as “luck meets hard work”? Well, sanctimommies can be defined as “good intentions meets condescension.” I truly believe that some sanctimommies are not purely out for themselves, as the name implies, but rather think they’re being helpful, or educational, or not annoying. Sadly, most of the time sanctimommies are the opposite of those things, but they just don’t know it. Part of me pities them, but the other part wishes it wasn’t so passé to tell people to their face (or their avatar) that they’re being smug or even hurtful. More »

STFU Parents: Parents, Please Keep Your Sex And Love Lives Off Facebook

STFU Parents: Parents, Please Keep Your Sex And Love Lives Off Facebook

When you’re writing love notes on Facebook as a parent, suddenly the love can be about so much more stuff that no one wants to hear about. You’ve crossed a threshold of sorts. You’ve wiped your baby’s ass together. You’ve (probably) gone through childbirth together. And those things translate into the kind of intimacy that truly doesn’t belong on social media. Young love is about mushy feelings and “I love you’s.” Parent love is about mushy diapers and “I love you’s.” Neither really deserves a place on Facebook, but the latter often takes things to another, more extreme level. More »

STFU Parents: A Mother’s Love On Valentine’s Day, Volume II

STFU Parents: A Mother's Love On Valentine's Day, Volume II

There’s a difference between being proud of that bond and being obsessed with it. Some women take their “mother’s love” and turn it into something that goes beyond your average Hallmark card. And with Facebook acting as a stand-in diary, they’re penning love notes to their sons or bragging about their “relationship” in status updates on a regular basis. I don’t think these women are feeling anything for their kids that other mothers don’t feel; they’re just choosing to express those feelings publicly, like a teenage boy standing on a cafeteria table in an ’80s movie. More »

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