Author Archives: Carolyn Drebin

Why Back To School Is My Ultimate Mommy Downer

Why Back To School Is My Ultimate Mommy Downer

My kids used to be really excited about going back to school. But as they got older and graduated from play-based learning to full on elementary school academia, their attitudes changed. To say their feelings are mixed is an understatement. While they’re looking forward to seeing their friends and finding out which teachers they have, for the most part they’re dreading it. And so am I. More »

I’m Cyberstalking My Kid While He’s At Camp

Iâm Cyberstalking My Kid While Heâs At Camp

Watching camp videos and trawling through photos has become de riguer. My younger sons think it’s part of their bedtime routine. When we’ve been out of town on a weekend, I can’t help but track down WiFi. Or wait patiently for my tiny iPhone screen to work its magic. Last week I downloaded a picture of a boy jumping off an enormous diving tower. Only after I sent it off to my mom did I realize it wasn’t even my son! More »

What Your Choice Of Summer Camp Says About You

What Your Choice Of Summer Camp Says About You

When summertime finally comes around, what could be better than packing off your children and sending them off to camp? Sending them off to a camp that reflects who you are and who you want your kids to be, of course. Sure you’ll miss them (at least a bit) but they’ll enjoy their independence while gaining a sense of adventure, empathy and respect – all qualities to be learned and mastered by being away from home during the summer holidays. And if they’re living the life you thought you would? Well, that’s not half-bad either… More »

Teachers Gifts: Offering To Organize The Class Present Was A Bad Idea

Teachers Gifts: Offering To Organize The Class Present Was A Bad Idea

As a mother, I’m used to being an unpaid chauffeur, cleaner, cook and caretaker. But collection agent? I don’t think so. Yet that’s what precisely happens when you offer to organize the teacher’s “group gift.” People go AWOL. They don’t respond to emails. On one occasion in the past, I paid for the gift card upfront and still have yet to see the contribution from one errant parent. Of course by the time school resumed in the fall, I was too tense to acknowledge the debt, but every time I bump into that person, I wonder if she’s thinking what I’m thinking: that she owes me $30! More »

The New Playground Discussion: Silver Balls, Butt Plugs & ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’

The New Playground Discussion: Silver Balls, Butt Plugs & 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'

Lately, when I drop my kids off at school, the talk among moms is less about parenting and more about where to find the best vibrator.

That’s right. With practically every mom in the schoolyard having finished or about to embark upon the “Fifty Shades” Trilogy (including Fifty Shades of Grey), talk is of nothing but the books. And it’s gone way beyond whether – or when – people plan on reading them. One woman I know confided she’s been masturbating non-stop for weeks and is currently on her second reading of the third book. Another ‘fessed up that she bought a set of nipple clamps. Even one of the teachers, upon overhearing yet another Fifty Shades conversation, smiled knowingly as she hurried to her car. Had she read the books, someone asked. “Damn right,” she replied, cheeks blushing hotly. More »

If I Weren’t So Embarrassed, I Would Totally Use A Leash On My Runaway Child

If I Werenât So Embarrassed, I Would Totally Use A Leash On My Runaway Child

A few weeks ago, my 3-year-old disappeared. My husband and I had taken separate cars to a party. My son insisted on going home with his daddy, so I left. Moments later my man called, asking me if I’d taken our youngest son home. Sure enough, he’d taken off while my husband tied up our other son’s shoelaces. Luckily, the mad dasher was found by a lovely woman, a stranger who spotted him running through the parking lot.

I’m now reconsidering my view on the leash. More »

Love & Sex Week: Pregnant Sex Was The Best Sex Of My Life

Love & Sex Week: Pregnant Sex Was The Best Sex Of My Life

“Fuck me… I’m pregnant” was my reaction after watching the thin pink line creep across – and stay – on the urine-soaked test stick. But little did I know that would be my mantra for the next nine months! Hormone swings, swollen ankles and puking were, of course, well known side effects of being knocked up. But becoming a voracious sex fiend? Who knew?

I have three children and, while all three pregnancies couldn’t have been more different, two things were constant: they all yielded boys and they all turned me into a big fat horndog. More »

These F@#kin’ Kids Have Potty Mouths (And They Learned It From Their Parents)

These F@#kinâ Kids Have Potty Mouths (And They Learned It From Their Parents)

The first time my oldest son inadvertently said the F-word, we thought it was hilarious. And when my middle son came home from camp asking about the various terms for “penis,” my husband and I exchanged looks and stifled our smiles. Now, when our youngest, who’s three, accidentally says “shit” instead of sit, the whole family howls with laughter. We know it’s ridiculous, but we can’t help it. More »

The New Mommyjackers: ‘My Kid Is Worse Than Yours!’

The New Mommyjackers: 'My Kid Is Worse Than Yours!'

As parents, we can’t help but be proud of our children’s accomplishments. Whether they’ve conquered toilet training, mastered the art of writing or aced their first test, we are thrilled. And maybe even a little bit relieved that age-appropriate milestones have been reached. Most of us try not to ram our kids’ good work, good luck or good fortune down the throat of other parents, though, understandably, it sometimes slips out. I like to think there’s a difference between sharing good news and lording over everyone else. But of course there are the braggarts, big mouths and know-it-alls who hijack each victory and turn it into their own.

We’ve all met them: the soccer dads, stage moms, grandparents and relatives who swear no one is as bright, brilliant or beautiful as their very own talented offspring. Their child isn’t merely smart, she’s gifted. Their son isn’t just musical, he’s a prodigy. And their daughter? She isn’t sporty, she’s a future Olympian. And on it goes. Recently, however, I’ve noticed a new trend in parental one-upmanship: the “mine’s worse” phenomenon. More »

I (Barely) Survived The Sex Talk With My Three Boys

I (Barely) Survived The Sex Talk With My Three Boys

When we think of learning, we think ABCs, 1-2-3s, and, at our house, the birds and the bees. We didn’t know when – or how – we’d approach The Sex Talk, exactly, though my man and I figured we’d know when the time was right.

And so, when I was pregnant with my third child, we read our two older sons a book called It’s Not The Stork by Robie H. Harris. The boys, then ages 3 and 5, looked at the pictures with disinterest, and only wanted to know how the baby got into my tummy. And, more importantly, how it would come out. More »