Author Archives:

I’m Learning To Accept That My 9-Year-Old Flat Out Hates School

I'm Learning To Accept That My 9-Year-Old Flat Out Hates School

When I was a child, I loved school. I loved high school. I loved university. I loved writing essays and taking tests. I even loved studying. My daughter however does not like anything about school. She doesn’t like homework. She doesn’t even seem to like learning in a classroom setting. She would rather read books on her own. Ask her any fact about any animal and she will be able to tell you. In short, she does not like school! More »

I Can’t Believe People Would Actually Dare To Call My Children ‘Illegitimate’

I Can’t Believe People Would Actually Dare To Call My Children 'Illegitimate'

As regular readers of my posts know, I have two different children from two different fathers and I have never tied the knot. I CHOOSE to live MY life as a non-wife. But what makes me so furious that I want to actually throw my laptop across the room are when readers have the nerve to call my children “illegitimate,” a word I haven’t ever uttered. Ever.

If anyone came up to me and said, “Your children are BASTARDS and illegitimate,” I would punch them in the face and gladly take the jail time. More »

I Hate That When My Kid Said She Had An Ant In Her Ear, I Thought She Was Lying

I Hate That When My Kid Said She Had An Ant In Her Ear, I Thought She Was Lying

When you have a child, or children, one of the most difficult things to do is to separate fact from fiction.

When my daughter told me that she felt like there was an ant in her ear, it sounded a lot like, “My dog ate my homework.” I hate myself, as a person and more importantly as a mother, for immediately thinking that when my 9-year told me that it “feels like there’s an ant in my ear,” I thought she just wanted to get out of school the next day. Basically, I thought my daughter was a liar. More »

I’m Scared That My Stepchildren Will Let Me Down This Mother’s Day

I’m Scared That My Stepchildren Will Let Me Down This Mother’s Day

Now I have stepchildren in my life and I’m not really sure what to expect, or how to be proactive when it comes to my two stepchildren. I don’t want to feel like Mother’s Day is the Biggest Let Down of The Year. I know I shouldn’t EXPECT anything. And while I don’t really, I can’t help but know my stepchildren are in my house 50 percent of the time. More »

My 9-Year-Old Is A Hypochondriac Because I Let Her Watch Too Many Medical Shows

My 9-Year-Old Is A Hypochondriac Because I Let Her Watch Too Many Medical Shows

My daughter and I started watching medical shows, or shows that feature people who are born with a syndrome that affects one in a trillion, when she was only three. She was addicted to them from the start and could easily sit there and watch an hour-long documentary on the 450-pound man or the Tallest Man in the World or on Siamese Twins. I thought it was wonderful that she was so fascinated and thought for sure she’s going to be a doctor, because what other child is so fascinated by these shows?

Well, she may still be a doctor one day
or she could turn out to be a completely neurotic adult. More »

I’m Taking My Kid Out Of School For 5 Days To Celebrate Mother’s Day Week

I’m Taking My Kid Out Of School For 5 Days To Celebrate Mother's Day Week

I’m being proactive this year when it comes to Mother’s Day. I’ve planned a mother-daughter ONLY trip for five days. My daughter will be missing four days of school, since I want to spend a week with her. It’s MOTHER week in my household!

She can’t wait to go to Bahamas and be alone with me. It’s going to be a fucking great Mother’s Day Week. For both me and my daughter. More »

I Let My Daughter Drop Out Of Track Team To Learn About Teamwork

I Let My Daughter Drop Out Of Track Team To Learn About Teamwork

“Listen,” I said, pulling the covers off of her, moodily. “You wanted to join and now it’s not about you. It’s about the TEAM.” I continued to rant. “You are letting the TEAM down if you don’t show up. Do you think I like to get up this early to take you? No! But I do it because you joined.”

My daughter jumped out of bed. She was miserable, but I hope she understood that she couldn’t be selfish when you are a part of a team. More »

My Friends And Family Are Becoming More Attached To My Baby Than Me

My Friends And Family Are Becoming More Attached To My Baby Than Me

But when you have a baby, people want to see the goddamn baby. Honestly, we’ve not brought the baby before when we’ve been invited over to people’s homes – because he’s napping or it’s his bedtime – and the looks of disappointment on people’s faces when we show up at the door is almost heartbreaking. Literally, their faces fall, as if we just gave them some awful news, like, “I’ve just smashed into your car while parking.” More »

My Fiancé And I Make A Conscious Effort Not To Talk About The Baby

My Fiancé And I Make A Conscious Effort Not To Talk About The Baby

After those two minutes, it’s like we don’t even HAVE kids (He has two children from a previous marriage. I have one. And together my fiancĂ© and I have the aforementioned most-adorable-baby-on-the-planet.) After our two minutes of talking about how fucking cute and brilliant our baby is, we really do spend the next couple hours, before passing out, talking about people or work or anything else that is bugging us. More »

I’m Determined To Keep My New Car A ‘No Eating’ Zone

I'm Determined To Keep My New Car A 'No Eating' Zone

When I first got my new car, I made a rule that it was to be a “NO EATING CAR” meaning my daughter was not allowed to eat in the car. That lasted about a week, until we went to my parents’ house and they handed her a cookie as we drove off. It just went down hill from there.

Before I could say, “Super size fries!” she was eating McDonald’s in the back seat when I’d take her through drive-thru. She was eating banana bread from Starbucks, which trust me, is worse than eating French fries. She was even eating ice cream cones. More »

Click for more posts