Are You Pressuring Your Queer Child To Get Married?

Same-sex marriage was recently legalized in New York, and while the law is cause for much celebration this summer, young queer New Yorkers are now finding themselves battling a very different opposition: their parents. Supportive and advocating parents of LGBTQ kids are now looking at the legal win for their partnered children as not a choice, but a requirement after years of respectful parenting.

Confronted with partnerships that they have often had to legitimize to extended families or communities, some parents are perplexed by their queer sons and daughters hesitancy to approach the alter. The New York Times reports on a few families struggling with push back from their kids on the idea of marriage, specifically Vicki Robinson who wants to see her daughter married to her girlfriend of six years:

”I’m a Bible-thumping Lutheran who just got my church to put rainbow stickers on their door,” said Ms. Robinson, who is divorced and uses her maiden name. ”If they were married, I would feel more like I could write Lindsay’s name in the family Bible in ink.”

While the gay children mentioned in the piece are all resistant to marrying for various reasons, the article suggests that parents often want assurance that their children are “taken care of,” which is most often conveyed through marriage. But as the legalization of same-sex marriage is showing us, solid and trusting partnerships can take many different forms. While the initiative to legalize same-sex marriage is an important effort for everyone, parents of queer children should recognize that what matters most is that their kids have the right to marry. Children are always entitled to make choices, and when it comes to what makes them happiest, their individual paths should be respected regardless of their sexual orientation.