Hatchimals are basically a Furby in a surprise egg, but the concept worked, and the most overhyped toy of the holiday season instantly became the must-have Christmas present of the year. Parents got on waiting lists, paid hundreds of dollars for the things on eBay, and did whatever they could to make sure their kids got the “hottest” toy of the year. Now, though, in the cold light of post-Christmas morning, Hatchimals have lost a lot of their luster and parents are complaining that Hatchimals swear in their sleep.
On Christmas day, reports started flooding in from seriously ticked-off parents claiming that their Hatchimals wouldn’t hatch, or that the creatures were “dead” and wouldn’t do anything at all. There were so many complaints that the company couldn’t possibly keep up with them all, and that just made all the hatch-less parents even more furious.
Now, though, parents whose Hatchimals did work are coming in with their own complaint, because they say the Hatchimals are whispering, “Fuck me” in their sleep.
Fuck, man. Is that what Hatchimals are? That shit is a nightmare, even if it’s not saying, “Fuck me.” It looks like Hieronymous Bosch trapped the soul of a forsaken child in the body of a discarded Furby and hung it over the gates of Hell as a warning to sinners.
This is not the first time toys have accidentally started swearing. For a while there, parents were convinced the Minions toys that came in McDonald’s Happy Meals shouted “What the fuck!?” Another parent complained when a baby doll taught her toddler to say, “Fuck it.”
Even if the Hatchimal is not supposed to be swearing, what on Earth is going on with that heavy breathing?
Of course, the person I was before I had a baby can’t stop laughing at the idea of a toy whispering “fuck me” in its sleep, but I can see where a parent would be pretty upset about a toy saying “fuck me,” even if it wasn’t supposed to.
Other YouTube commenters have suggested that the Hatchimal is saying “help me,” which is somehow more creepy than “fuck me.” Others have suggested that it’s saying “hug me.”
Nope, still creepy.
A beleaguered spokesperson for Spin Master, the company behind Hatchimals, says the creatures aren’t swearing or saying “hug me” or anything of the sort. They’re just snoring and making random noises.
It sure does sound like it’s panting, “Fuck me” though.