Apple turnover

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A trio of high school freshmen unconscionable assholes has been arrested in Omaha this week after feeding one of their teachers semen frosting. Someone is certainly going to defend these kids by saying it was “just a prank” or that they were just “young and immature” or that “boys will be boys,” but this is repulsive and predatory and criminal.

According to Omaha World-Herald, three freshmen at Omaha Westside High School last week were supposed to be making frosted turnovers in a food class. During class, they went to the bathroom, masturbated into containers, and poured their semen into the frosting. Then they went back to class and frosted the turnovers.

Not long after, the cooking teacher came by to check on the students’ projects and tasted on. She reportedly noticed something was wrong with it, but did not immediately guess the problem because it would take a pretty big leap to go from “this turnover tastes wrong” to “my students would try to force their 50-year-old cooking teacher to eat their semen.”

The plot came to light when an unrelated student told the teacher about what the students had been plotting. The three students seem to have caved immediately upon being questioned by the principal, and they admitted to everything. One of the students said he knew about it, but did not actually add his bodily fluids to the frosting because he says he “chickened out” at the last minute. (Deciding not to sexually assault a teacher is “chicken” now?) Still, he did not actually tell his friends not to put their semen in the food, and he did not tell the teacher not to eat it, even though he saw her pick up the turnover and knew what had been done to it.

The school said the students would “face consequences,” but did not specify what those might be.

A police officer told the World-Herald that the police wanted to charge the students with a felony, but instead the students are facing misdemeanor charges of disturbing the peace, because apparently prosecutors couldn’t find any appropriate charges for tricking someone into eating one’s masturbatory emissions. That sure sounds like sexual assault, though. Prosecutors reportedly said that assault charges would not have applied, because an assault charge would have required the woman to have suffered bodily injury.

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I’ve been reading the comments on this story, and while it’s heartening to see that most of the commenters think this is appalling and criminal and that it sounds like a clear case of sexual assault, there is of course a vocal contingent of people saying this is icky, but not actually that bad. Some of the excuses are astounding, because it’s like the idea of consent never even came up.

“I’ve seen people eat worse things on Fear Factor,” said one commenter.

“There are recipes for semen on the Internet, but no one says send the author to jail,” said another.

Both of those situations involve knowledge and consent. This one did not. Eating semen is not criminal. Forcing an unwilling person to eat semen certainly should be.