Of course you love your baby, it’s their by-products you could stand to do without. Newborns can go through ten diapers or more a day, making it easy to feel like you’ve had just about enough of this crap. If you’re got a co-parent in the house, there’s no reason you should be the only one using the changing table. Here are nine ways to get out of diaper duty and make someone else to do the dirty work for you.
1. Compliment their diaper changing skills.
Particularly effective on brand new parents still in the starry-eyed over their newborn stage, if you tell someone they are really good at changing diapers or that the baby seems to enjoy it better when they do it, human pride will likely cause them to want to show off their mad skills.
2. Say you’re sick.
No one wants to force a nauseous person to deal with a blowout, lest you create another pile of yuck that needs to be cleaned up.
3. Lotion your hands constantly.
Because it would be a waste to have to wash your hands after you just rubbed lotion into them. Extra believably points for scented lotion, as you’re just looking out for baby’s delicate skin.
You don’t need a reason, just call on your heightened postpartum emotions and let the tears flow. No one wants to upset a sobbing woman further by handing her the baby powder and butt paste.
5. Use bribery.
Promise them an extra hour of sleep on a Saturday morning, veto power over what to order for take away tonight or a pony– anything that lets you avoid the smell coming from your child’s general direction.
6. Claim sleep-deprivation induced amnesia.
You were up with the baby so many times last night that you can’t even remember which is the front of the diaper versus the back, and your eyes are too blurry to find the sticky tabs. Repeat overdramatics and pathetic noises until they step in to complete the task for you.
7. Fake a friend emergency.
Remember the days of yore when you had a friend call you twenty minutes into a first date to give you an easy out if the date was a dud? Same concept, only use a predetermined code word to trigger the rescue call via text message, then run upstairs to the bedroom to discuss the latest drama with your mother-in-law.
8. Use the sex card.
No, not for bribery (although if that works for you, no judgment), but as a compliment. Tell your partner watching them care for your baby by changing a diaper makes them sexier to you. Note– they may try to tell you the same thing, in which case you’ll have to resort to a round of rock, paper scissors.
9. Offer to take the next two changes if they take this one.
When the time comes for you to start your shift as diaper diva, consult numbers 1-8 on this list.