man scared of womanOkay so you know how we’ve written about the living troll that is Matt Walsh and thought that there couldn’t possibly be a more offensive and ridiculous anti-feminist conservative out there? Well I was wrong. Patrick Howley is on a mission to save men. Not from actual dangers that white males face in large numbers, like heart disease or stroke. No, Howley is afraid of women, specifically “progressive women” and he wants men to avoid us at all cost.

Patrick Howley, who looks like the poor man’s B.J. Novak, (sorry Novack) recently wrote an essay for The Daily Caller titled Men Should Avoid Progressive Woman For Their Own Safety. Go ahead, read it if you want, but you may want to warm up first, otherwise you might pull something from all the eye-rolling it’s bound to cause.

Howley’s essay, which reads a bit like the online journal of a geeky teen who’s mad that the girl he asked to prom said “No”, sprawls out in more directions than a manspreader. But it seems to be rooted in the idea that men should be afraid of women because we are likely to ruin your lives with false rape claims. He writes:

Feminists, in coordination with their allies in the media, have discovered a powerful weapon, and they’re guarding it with blind, fervent activist group-think. In a post-Sandra Fluke age of overnight social media stars and victimization-as-currency, any college girl with an ax to grind can be guaranteed immediate national celebrity so long as she accuses the right kind of men — be they fraternity brothers or campus Republicans. She’ll be shielded from any personal criticism of her background or her motives, and if her story comes apart the folks promoting her lies will still go on to political prominence and MSNBC split-screens. It’s an entire industry.

Do you hear that?  We can get famous by lying about rape. And all this time I thought hard work and dedication was how I’d land a book deal.

As tempting as “victimization as currency” sounds, I’d really rather not have my sexual history, drinking habits or choice of clothing come under scrutiny though. Maybe we should try a economy based on panty liners instead. They’ll still fit in wallets and the scented ones will make your jeans smell nice. If a guy asks nicely, I’ll give him the tampons he needs to break that overnight maxi pad so he can use the vending machine.

All kidding aside, Holwey’s claim that women can and do lie about being raped all the time because there are no consequences is crap. Victims of sexual assault aren’t shielded from criticism in the slightest. And no one in a healthy mental state would volunteer to put themselves in that position just to fuck with some guy. In the alleged sexual assault case that took place at Stanford last week, where Brock Allen Turner was arrested for the alleged rape of an unconscious woman, it was only a matter of hours before the media started discussing how much alcohol the victim had drank. He allegedly violated someone who in no way could consent, and somehow, it’s her actions that are under question. It’s like having your Porsche stolen, going to the police and getting told the theft was your fault because you shouldn’t have parked there.

Howley goes on to compare the situation to an actual war, because women working to be treated as more than sex objects and people in active combat zones are totally the same thing.

 As Hillary Clinton prepares to run for the position of first female president, progressive women are militarized now as never before.

He later says:

And we can’t afford to put any more of our men on the front lines. It’s time to send our boys home. Or, rather, keep them away from traditional homes. It’s time to send our boys to the YMCA.

All right, fess up– who gave Howley a copy of our Secret Lady Agenda? Someone go get a count of how many tampon guns we have and make sure there’s enough ice cream for the catapults- but not the chocolate fudge swirl, use up the crappy flavors first. Let’s commence battle next week though ‘kay, I’ve got cramps.

In all seriousness though, likening men interacting with women to those actually risking their lives on the front lines of battle. I can’t even with this guy.

But really, he’s just mad because the lady folk don’t laugh at his jokes:

 If you don’t avoid progressive women in the age of the digital cell-phone camera, your next one-liner about Kim Kardashian’s butt will get overheard by throngs of dead-eyed social media crusaders. Make no mistake: they would absolutely delight in catching you, you heteronormative male scum.

I quite enjoy the “male scum” I’m married to, thankyouverymuch. It’s the sexist douchbagery I’ll take a hard pass on.

The bottom line is that Howley feels women are here to be looked at, not to think.

Someday, all the young women of America will wear hoods over their faces —hijabs if you will — so men can’t even look at them and so they, too, can’t see anything except occasional shapes and light objects. Until that day comes, we need to stay the Hell away from each other.

Not only is this offensive to those who choose to wear a hijab for religious reasons, but it completely sums up whats wrong with Howley’s entire premise. Women aren’t on this planet as objects of male enjoyment. Our faces, our bodies- they aren’t here to be placed on display for you. And to Howley, without the ability to objectify us, we have no use and therefore should be avoided.

Since he clearly won’t be going out on a date anytime soon, I can only assume that page clicks are Howley’s love language. I’m sure he and the page views that come with writing trolly garbage like this will be very happy together.

(image: rdrgraphe/Shutterstock)