Let me be the first to point out that everything is phallic including many, many food items we feed our kids. That’s probably unfair, but as a woman I am used to this. I love Georgia O’Keefe as much as the next feminist, I’ve taken my toddler to see The Dinner Party, and I think vagina-inspired art is actually quite beautiful. I still wouldn’t bake a plate of vagina cookies and bring them to my grade-schooler’s class, because I’m not bat-shit crazy.

Redditor JPstudly posted the story to the subreddit TIFU, or Today I F*cked Up. She has a female friend who teaches a class of second graders. When her kids have a good week, she rewards them by letting volunteer parents bring snacks in. I guess it never occurred to her to give directions like, “please no baked goods shaped like vaginas.” She should have, because last week one of the mothers informed her she was “excited for this opportunity” to bring in some treats, and showed up with a plate of cookies frosted to look like the labia. Teacher friend explains:

[Mom]

comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile “I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman’s vagina today”. Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS… I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply “I’m sorry Autumn, but I can’t give these to my students. This just isn’t appropriate.”

Mom is not happy. She starts yelling in front of the class about how the teacher “should be proud of (her) vagina” and storms out of the class, leaving the vagina cookies on the teacher’s desk. There is not a picture of them on this Reddit post, I’m assuming because the teacher, trying to salvage the cookies as treats for the children, scraped the labia off the cookies and handed them out to the kids. I’m assuming they looked something like this, only probably not as fancy, as this image is from Pinterest:

vagina-cookies

Pinterest/ Cat Babione

The teacher did take screen grabs of the angry texts the mom sent her. They are pretty epic.

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No. This is just all sorts of “no.” Maybe the cookies were delicious, maybe they were exquisitely frosted and the best treats these kids could ever hope to eat. Doesn’t matter, weirdo. You don’t hand a bunch of second graders anatomically correct baked goods under the guise that you want to “teach them” something. I can’t believe this even needs to be said. Also, you talk about “celebrating the vagina” and hope a woman gets abused by her husband in the same sentence.

There is just too much crazy here. Maybe next time you should just swing by a Publix.

Hilariously Irate Responses To The Vagina Cookie ‘Hoax’

And just in case anyone is confused about this, here are 12 Snacks You Should Never Bring To Your Kid’s Classroom