Even Jill Duggar’s Vomit Is Blessed

jill dillard derrick dillardLet’s make one thing clear immediately: I don’t know a whole lot about the Duggars. However, one of the things that you have to do if you want to write for Mommyish is take a solemn blood oath swearing to deliver Duggar-flavored news as soon as it becomes available.

So here we stand.

Or really, we stand, Jill Dillard (née Duggar) kneels in front of a toilet, barfing into it and praising the Lord for the privilege. A lot of things came out of my mouth when I experienced morning sickness; anything I tried to swallow, a little blood, and of course a string of the foulest language I could dream up. I didn’t have anything nice to say about the ordeal, but Jill sees it differently, according to E! Online:

“I’ve been having a lot of morning sickness. They should call it pregnancy sickness because it’s all day…I’m thanking God for this little life and the good signs. It’s well worth it.”

I’ve heard this before. In the throes of my dry heaving or constant spitting into the bucket I carried with me, there was always someone willing to tell me how grateful I should be for my “queasies” because that meant that everything was working as it should. Well, fuck that, but good for Jill that she can praise the lord in between horking up all of the tasty shit she’s been craving:

“[Like my mother, I crave] things that are more sour to settle stomach: dill pickles, lemon with salt or lemon juice with water or salt,” she shared. “I like cold things [too]. I don’t like a lot of hot meals right now but I do try to get protein every two hours.”

Awww. Like mother like daughter, right? Except Jill, who was all, “in your face, Quiverfull” by giving full frontal hugs to her fiance before marriage and possibly getting her hump on pre-wedding, doesn’t plan to do the letter name trend like her parents did, saying that instead they might do some “other theme” with their yet-to-be-born litter of children.

We can only hope that it’s something completely rad, like she’ll name all of her kids after The Ramones or give them all rhyming monikers or something awesome like that.

Either way, I’m happy that Jill can find a silver lining in the toilet, although I think it would be totally refreshing to have a Duggar woman just be completely honest once in awhile. I’m hoping Jinger marries some pierced up bad boy, experiences morning sickness just once, says fuck it, converts to Buddhism and gets an IUD.

Hey, a girl can dream.

(Image: Facebook)

You can reach this post's author, Theresa Edwards, on twitter.
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    • chill

      As she heaves into the toilet, I’m sure she’s imagining throwing up little bits of the Devil in order to protect her little “blessing”.

      • LKC

        This comment has made my day :)

      • Jessie

        Mommyish Comments of the Week needs to return, because this comment just won in my book. :D

      • rockmonster

        Maria, pwwwweeeeeaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee?
        Pwetty pwease with a chewwy on top?

    • keelhaulrose

      This “you must always be cheerful” thing is creepy as hell.
      Morning sickness sucks. It’s okay to admit that, Jill! Don’t try to force happiness into every situation, because artificial happiness will breed unhappiness in the end. Enjoy what you like about being knocked up, but it’s okay to complain.

      • Jen TheTit Whipper

        I really worry about these women and PPD

      • NotTakenNotAvailableWTFDisqus

        You could’ve left off after “I really worry about these women,” and you’d have my sentiments exactly. :/

      • Cee

        If she is not cheerful, she is not grateful!

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat
    • The Redhead

      I’ve had it fairly easy, no vomit as of yet. But, even so, morning sickness is no picnic. It’s like having a flu that clings on for months at a time. I really hope I become more joyful and Duggar-like in the 2nd trimester.

    • http://misuser.blogspot.com Alex Lee

      Conversely, there’s nothing like hyperemesis (twice) to make you believe there is no god.

      • Maranda

        Three times will actually convince you that there IS a god and he’s a vindictive asshole who hates you. No joke ( says the girl who condoms failed and is now adjusting her picc line)

      • Angie S

        Yeah about once was all I needed.

    • Valerie

      #horkingfortheLord

    • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

      A smidge off topic but, does anyone else think this Jillard thing was an arranged marriage?

      • itpainsme2say

        No if you watch the show they really do seem to be into each other. Jessa and creeper face on the other hand is really off

      • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

        I’m not sayin’ it was a bad match, but Jim Bob said he met Derick first and after discussing it with Mama-Subdvision, they decided that he would be perfect for Jill. Just made me do a “rrrrt…wait…what?”

      • http://batman-news.com Greta Young

        Yeah, that’s how they do things. The Patriarch spies himself a potential match at a homeschool conference or something, and the daughters defer to his authority.

      • itpainsme2say

        If you remove the dugger factor I don’t see that as a cause for alarm but that might be because i live in the south (where its not that uncommon for family to date search for you) and my best friend met her bf through an aunt. It gets creepy when they ignore the kind of person you are and try to coach you to be more of what the guy wants like they do with jessa.

      • Pappy

        I’m pretty sure it qualifies as one, for all the reasons you mentioned.
        I actually met a woman from India who had an arranged marriage. Her experience was; Father met Suitor first and vetted him, he and Young Lady meet each other several times and agree to marry, Suitor seeks permission from Father, permission granted, betrothal formalized.

        With the Duggars, it went: Dad meets Derrick, arranges for him to meet Jill several times, they agree to marry, he seeks Dad’s permission, it’s granted, and the engagement is formalized.

        So, I’m sure they would ruffle their feathers at people describing it as an “arranged” marriage but when it waddles and quacks and has feathers, you’re not wrong to call it a duck.

      • Cee

        Although they do seem to love each other, from what I read since I don’t watch the show, it is arranged. I mean they are lucky to (probably) love each other, but, I don’t think she would have much of a choice. To not choose to marry him would be to go against her father’s judgement in picking a suitor and make “courting” seem like dating, which they think is for whores.

        I guess we will have to believe that she does love him, show watchers must know more. But who knows? This is the first guy she was allowed to converse with other than her brothers and the short list of friends they are allowed to have, so maybe she just wanted ANYBODY!

      • Pappy

        I don’t know if I agree that she wouldn’t be allowed to veto a guy. I think she would be, but I could see her parents demanding she give an explanation of why she was rejecting him (as in, her simply saying “I don’t want to marry him, I don’t like him.” wouldn’t be good enough).

        And I’d bet money, having read their books, that they would spend a lot of time undermining their daughter’s confidence in herself, reminding her over and over that she should rely on her parents and God to make all her decisions for her because she’s just a weak, sinful vessel waiting for external forces to show her what to do.

        Really, anyone who wants to get a good idea of how creepy and unhealthy this family is just below the surface should read their books. They’re like syrup of ipecac; it’s all sweetness going down. Then, once you sit back for a few minutes and let it digest, you start to feel sick.

        Let’s just say these people clearly have never sat down and really thought out the implications of what they believe, tell themselves and promote.

      • Cee

        THIS!
        It is like you are in my brain or something!

      • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

        I’m hoping that it was good luck and that she is happy. What I feel apprehensive about is that he will be like that kid on Leave it to Beaver… the one that seeeeeems like the best kid on earth but he’s really a turd.

      • Katie L.

        That’s what they do. In Jill’s case, it seems to have worked out because she appears into the guy (I mean, she gave him a front hug!), but they basically find suitable husbands for their daughters. And I’m not convinced that Derrick wasn’t trying to get himself in with the Duggars. He was the one who sought out Jim Bob as a “long distance prayer partner”.

        *hangs head in shame about how much Duggar knowledge I have*

      • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

        LOL! I’m even ashamed that I knew as much as I did…it’s a sisterhood of Duggar shame.

    • Kate Spencer

      I can’t wait for the Duggar kid that breaks free from the grasp of Duggar-y. That kid will speak some truth about the preggo barfs.

      • Katie L.

        Yes! You know one of them has to at some point and I will shamelessly read the inevitable Duggar tell all book.

      • hdonovan

        I expect the rebel to write 19 or 20 of them.

      • PAJane

        No, that kid will have their bits snipped so they never have to raise another child again.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      One of those kids just HAS to rebel, right?

      I still cannot accept that Jinger’s name is pronounced Ginger and doesn’t rhyme with ringer. NO SENSE. English (as a language) makes so little sense to begin with, you just can’t go around fucking it up even more.

      • ted3553

        I always read her name as Jin-grrr because I hate people pretending phonics doesn’t exist.

      • Joye77

        Free Jinger!

    • Frannie

      I know I feel sick.

    • gammachris

      I had morning, noon and night sickness with my oldest for all 8 months (mercifully, he was 5 weeks early.) Through it all, I had a lot to say to God, and none of it was praise.

    • Heather

      I know women who would’ve killed for SOME sign they were pregnant, meanwhile I wanted to kill them for NOT having any symptoms! LOL

    • rockmonster

      I just ate, damn you. *nauseated*

    • Kris

      I keep hoping that Jana will make her escape.

      • Jenni

        I’ve given up on Jana and pinned all my hopes and dreams of escape on JoyAnna

      • Kris

        Sigh. You’re right, I think Jana is a lost cause. Poor girl is stuck there until Josie gets married.

    • Grr! Arrgh!

      I remember taking perverse satisfaction (definitely NOT joy) in my “morning” sickness (ie: grossed out by almost all foods, nausea that started around 3 pm that got progressively worse until I hurled while sobbing into the toilet at 7:30 pm). I’d never been pregnant before and it was my only tangible sign for a good 16 weeks that SOMETHING was happening.

      Then again, I probably just desperate for *something* to cling to in the midst of 14 weeks of sleep-grudgingly eat-hurl-cry-repeat.

    • aCongaLine

      Dude, if convincing yourself that morning sickness is a blessing from the Almighty is what’s going to get you through it, rock it. Just don’t try to tell me mid-barf that mine is from God, too- ain’t nobody got time for that. And my morning sickness was (the first time around) concieved in *premarital sex.*

      Seriously, though. Stars, they’re just like us. Someone get that girl some Seabands :)

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      Probably has to do with the fact that, if she were complaining, she would be seen as being ungrateful for the “gift” she’s been given by God. Remember, ladies! Keep sweet!!

      • rockmonster

        And come out looking like something featured on Snopes’ Glurge Gallery? No thanks.

      • gammachris

        If I were ever sweet, my fiance would likely have me committed. Clearly, I could never be Duggar material.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      If you need a “theme” to name your hypothetical children…maybe you should consider having less children. Just sayin’.

      • whiteroses

        Exactly. My husband wanted our hypothetical daughter and son to have the same first initial.

        The Duggars are the main reason I put the kibosh on that.

    • Teal

      I love the title of this article! I am puzzled over why they had to announce their news so soon, though.

      • SunnyD847

        I swear she looks more than 8 weeks pregnant. I bet she got knocked up before the wedding. How much you wanna bet the baby is born “early”?

      • Pappy

        If it is a legit “honeymoon baby” she might just be sticking it out for the camera (“Look! Look how pregnant I am!!”) but otherwise, methinks someone sneaked in a bit more than a side-hug somewhere along the line. ;-)

      • hdonovan

        “Side-hug?” So that’s what the kids are calling it these days?

      • PAJane

        I can’t do it at work, but search YouTube for “Christian Side Hug.” I promise you won’t be too sorry.

      • Spitting_mad

        I had one friend who was pretty durn big early on, but she also has GD and is at serious risk for toxemia. If Jill is actually that big this early, you really hope she’s lying about the dates, because the other possibility is one hell of a hard pregnancy.

        Enjoy your feet looking like beer coozies with little smokies coming out.

      • Aussiemum

        Right?!?!? She has to be more than 8 weeks. That’s a rather large belly for only being far along! I said the exact same thing one the other article. The baby is the size of a kidney bean at 8 weeks. Either she is smashing back 10 bazillion cheeseburgers already, or she is further along.

    • Kathryn Mackenzie

      I don’t watch the Duggars so I have to ask: if they’re not allowed to hug from the front, are they allowed to hug from behind? Because I would think that would offer up other temptations that the family would consider sinful….

      • Katie L.

        Side hugs only. Because your dirty parts must never even graze until you’re married. Side hugs until you’re engaged and then you can hold hands. Seriously.

      • Kathryn Mackenzie

        Weird. You’d think if their faith was really that strong, they wouldn’t be so easily swayed by temptation.

      • Katie L.

        Well logic and critical thinking are not Duggar strong suits. Awkwardly long skirts, terrible hair and vapid eye expressions are.

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