I peed on my nurse.
For my first child, 18 years ago, we did not have cell phones. My husband worked at a job laying underground fiber optic cable so when I went into labor I had to call the main office and they radioed the foreman at the job site he was on and then he had to get into his car and drive to a pay phone to call me back because for some reason “I’m going into labor and I need my husband to come home and take me to the hospital” translated to “Tell Erik to call his wife.” To make matters worse the job site was way on the other side of Orlando and it was raining, which meant that the main highway, I4, was basically a parking lot.
It took me several hours to get my husband home, and then get us both to the hospital. (We only had one car at the time). So I get there and I swear every pregnant woman in Orlando was in labor. So I’m in the waiting room, waiting to be called into triage, and I have to pee. But I was so worried that if I get into the bathroom they will call my name and then I would miss my turn. So I held it. For an hour. Finally I got called back to triage. And I was 5 cm dilated! So they rushed me into a labor room. I was still waiting for my doctor to get there–and telling the nurse that I had to pee, really bad that I’d been holding it. But she refused to let me out of bed. I have no idea why, but she kept saying “Don’t worry honey, it’s just the baby pushing on you. All you feel is the pressure.” I kept insisting that I had to pee. It was horrid. She wouldn’t even get me a bed pan–cause she didn’t want me to “start pushing before it’s time.”
Finally my doctor got there and he asked the nurse to check to see how dilated I was, and as soon as she touched my cervix…I peed–right in her face. It was completely automatic, I could not have stopped it if I had wanted to. Now if she had been nice and had gotten me a bed pan or had let me up to go pee I would have felt mortified; but since she was not willing to let me pee when I told her I had to go, then I have never felt bad about it at all. I have always felt like she got her just desserts, LOL.